Tuesday, October 21, 2014


Let me make some final comments about my month in North Bergen.

On this trip God really ‘spoke’ to me- lots of chapters from the bible- and lots of prophetic stuff.

But- as things go- stuff happens.

It’s 3 am as I write- Monday morning. Just got up to pray- and I’m mad- pissed off- but waiting.


Yeah- I’m mad because someone stole from me.

Now- it’s not real big- maybe they needed it.

But it was a special Cross I bought last year- I leave it in my room in North Bergen- like some other stuff. [Bought it at Saint Patrick’s cathedral last year- I look at it every morning when I get up]

In Texas I have had this happen- I mean the guys don’t realize there are some things- collectables- that I look at every day when I get up.

So- if they are stolen- I know.

So- instead of confronting the person- and getting mad [he would deny it] you just move on.

The real problem is the last time I was in North Bergen- I was robbed in Texas [big stuff].

So even though the item was of little monetary value- when people steal from others- then they can’t trust being out of the house.

Because you have to make sure you hide the valuable stuff [I now do this in Texas when I leave my house] and it just makes all the other stuff you’re dealing with harder.

Ok- enough of that.

The next day or 2 I’ll write some of the verses. [Actually- its 3:40- I think I’ll post it now- because I have a few days left in North Bergen- and it might keep my other stuff safe. I’m thinking of having to lock my stuff up in the car every day before I leave- computer and important stuff. So- stuff like this just makes things harder].

Ok- let me do some real time posting- its 5:30 am- just finished praying in the yard.
The weather is great- in the 50’s- and praying in the yard early is a routine for me.

There are multiple reasons why I took this trip on the spur of the moment.

One was I needed to get away from the Texas streets for a while.


A lot of the guys I work with deal with lots of stuff- and at times things get to you.

I never told this story- but it might help people understand why a little thing- like a Cross being taken- affects me.

About 3 months ago one of the guys I work with- who has a history of theft- and to be honest- is a klepto.

Well- he was at my house one day- and about 2 weeks later my wife told me ‘John- we didn’t want to tell you yet [they know I get mad] but someone stole Debbie’s purse- and they are using all her credit cards and doing I.D. theft’.

Ok- she was right- I was mad.

Debbie is my daughter- her car just got wrecked- and now she not only lost all her i.d.’s- but she was going thru the whole thing- having to file police reports- me taking her to work- her not having her stuff.

It was a mess.

The main culprit was a guy I help.

He also stole from another friend- they had him on camera selling stuff at the pawn shop.

He also has a history of I.D. theft.

So- I waited.

Some other friends on the street told me ‘hey- so and so just bought all new clothes and stuff at the store- he’s all decked out’.

I had more than one person tell me that he did it.

Now- I have helped this guy out- a lot.

One day I had enough.

Another friend told me ‘don’t worry- we’ll get someone to teach him a lesson’.

I said ‘you don’t have to do it- I will’.

That morning I prayed [it was hard] and I told another friend ‘I’m going to beat the f.. out of him if I see him’.

I went looking for him- went to the mission- and waited.

He showed up- now- it wasn’t ‘that bad’ [in my mind] but I did walk up to him- mad- used the F bomb a few times- and almost got into it.

My other friends came out of the mission- heard what happened- and acted like I hit the guy.

I did not- but it was bad.

The guy- he told a few people that he did not steal my daughter’s stuff- and one of the guys said he was crying.

Now- after about a week- I dropped it [till this day the cops have not resolved the case].

And I still help the guy [he’s not allowed at my house any more].

Others have said ‘John- you let the guys go too far- you forgive- but they take advantage of you’.

Now- because of incidents like this- you are always worried about people taking stuff- even if it’s minor stuff.

I had the same guy steal 2 packs of cigarettes out of my car once.

So- you wind up hiding stuff- locking stuff up- always worried someone might take something- it’s a hassle.

That puts some perspective on the last post.

I had a friend tell me once ‘John- they steal from you- because they don’t like it when others do well- and they are not’.


I needed to tell this story- so you could see the whole picture.

One of the reasons I’m in North Bergen- is it gave me a break from having to worry about the whole theft issue- that has effected both me and my family- I was getting too mad about that very issue- and now I have to lock my stuff up for the rest of this trip.

I’ll try and update the next few days- good stuff.

I’ll confront the person in a little while- then be out for the day.

MONDAY- 3 pm

Had a full day- met a new guy at White Castle- he heard me speaking- and we talked for about an hour.

He’s a history buff- and we discussed lots of world history- and church history.

Billy showed up- and I told him I’d meet him after I do my video across the street.

Today I made the 2nd official teaching video [I had planned on doing 4] and it’s strange- I haven’t recorded in about 8 years.

I used to record regularly- when I was on radio.

It just so happened that I started a radio [voice/video] site about 2 months ago- for the purpose of posting my old radio shows.

Then- about a week or so ago I made a video of Nick singing- a spur of the moment thing.

I am not computer savvy- so- I figured I’ll try and upload them on Facebook.

That didn’t work- but I managed to put them on my WordPress site.

So- I thought it would be good to see some videos of me teaching- in North Bergen.

In the 4 short videos I wanted to cover the whole bible [it can be done].

I made 2- and as I review the rest of today’s [my battery died] I might have already finished- I’ll have to see later.

I wanted to stay till Thursday- but as you know- stuff happens.

There are different reasons why people do things- all of us.

I’m obviously not perfect- I have a very bad temper problem.

I just got back- and Nick and Danny saw me a little off the rails today.

But- I don’t hide my flaws- I try and work on them- and try and finish the task at hand.

In the old days this whole day would have been ruined.

Actually I kept the normal routine- had a long teaching session with Danny- did some street ministry- and made the 2nd video.

There are so many chapters I read on this trip- and many prophetic events- how they fit.

Too many to tell to be honest.

Let me give one example.

I mentioned the other day that an old friend gave me a ring- from Horace Mann School.

The ring has an emblem of an eternal flame/oil lamp.

So- my atheist friend Danny was the one who told me it was a biblical image [I at first though it was a Genie lamp].

Now- that day [2 days ago] we talked about the bible and how there are verses about this.

I have been reading thru Exodus and many other portions of the bible- these are regular chapters that I started years ago- in order. [so- out of the few chapters that speak about this- you might only hit 1 every 2-3 years- because I’m not reading straight thru- but maybe 1 Exodus chpater every day or so]

Sure enough- the chapter the next day was one of the few that mentions the oil lamp- with a flame that won’t go out [Exodus 27:20-21].

There are many things like this.

I was talking to Danny yesterday- told him I bought a coke and it said ‘share a coke with Danny’.

I thought it was funny- and said to me it meant I was supposed to spend some time having fellowship with Danny.

Nick said ‘I got one that said share a coke with John’.

To Nick it meant something- we hang out just about every day.

Now- some of the things are actually ‘better’ then these few examples- but there have been many.

Like the Catholic deacon who walked in to Burger King- Danny said ‘hey- meet John- he’s a street preacher’.

He walked to the other side of the room and sat down- honestly it seemed rude.

Then he came back- had a paper in his hand and said ‘guess a number’ he didn’t say from 1 to 10 either.

Now- out of ‘inspiration’ I said ‘I’m a prophet- 6’.

He opened it up- Danny said ‘you got it’.

The deacon listened.

I don’t know if he prayed and did this as a test- either way it was a sign to Danny and the deacon.

I went to the Catholic mass for 3 Sundays at my old church- Our Lady of Fatima.

For the past 3 weeks- the main chapters were about God and his vineyard- these are some of the chapters- images- I use when praying for my North Bergen friends.

It just so happened that the same images were used during this time.

I have gotten a lot out of Exodus on this trip.

When I first got into town I read ‘get up into the hill [another image I use for North Bergen] and BE THERE’.

I felt God was saying ‘just be here’.

Not so much ‘do something’ [though I did lots] but he seemed to be saying ‘just being here- being with the guys- that has an effect’.

In these same chapters God says ‘build all things after the pattern that I show you in the mount’.

I felt like God was going to show me some new avenue of ministry- while here.

I have made about 13 videos this time- something I never did before.

God tells Moses to get things in place first- so the ark [the words] will have a format.

I did this by already launching the radio site in Texas- it was a platform that ‘contained’ the words.

These are just a few examples of things- over the next day or 2 I’ll try and write more.

Another chapter came from Corinthians [I think 6?] but Paul said when he came into town there was distress- problems- difficulty- yet he still completed the mission.

In life- you have to finish the mission.

I have had some Texas friend’s call/text during this time.

They didn’t know when I was coming back- I didn’t know either.

I felt like 4 weeks was good- if I get back Friday night- that’s 4 weeks gone from Texas.

Lets see what happens the next day or 2. I plan on leaving Thursday morning.

There are other things I have not written on- but things I felt were long term problems about my mom’s situation here in New Jersey.

I can simply give advice- offer help- in the end we all make our own choices.

But- I have offered- many times- for my mom to move to Texas- she can even live with me.

These offers have been made.

My sister died over a year ago- she had many problems- I’m trying to help- do what’s right- but we all make our choices.

I’ have been very uncomfortable about the situation she is in- for a long time.

We’ll see what happens.


Today will be my last day in North Bergen, and I think I should write about something different.

When I come back home every year- I stay at my mom’s house- where I grew up as a kid.

For many years my mom and sister lived in a very dysfunctional home.

My sister Laura- who I loved- was an addict her whole life.

I work with addicts- but the effect of her addiction was worse than many of the cases I have known- in the sense that she fought every day with my mom- nonstop.
Because of this it was hard for me to come home over the years- some years I just did not come.

About 2 years ago I came back- after about 7 years of not being here [I’ve made the trip more in the last 2-3 years].

For many years I have told my mom if she wants to move to Corpus Christi I would work it out- at the time I checked into the Methadone clinic in Texas- meaning I was going to set everything up for my sister to come too.

Now- my sister was an animal lover [like me and my family- I have 5 dogs- 6 cats].

And one of the main obstacles was moving the cats- so we worked out a plan- I would get a vehicle and personally transport her cats.

But- as fate would have it- my sister died in 2013.

It was a shock.

Now- I thought maybe it was time for mom to move- she has no family in the area any more- my mom and dad have been divorced for years- and maybe it was time.

At the time she seriously thought of moving- me and Patrick helped her find homes for the cats- it was a serious thing.

One day Patrick brought 2 new kittens home- cute- but mom said ‘no more cats- I’m trying to get rid of the ones we have’ Hmm?

About a week later- Cheryl- Pats girl at the time- said ‘He’s never going to get rid of the kittens’.

I realized that it was to Pats benefit- for my mom not to move.

Patrick is a good person- I never resented that he lives with my mom I used to drive him to work- and treat him like a brother- he even calls my mom ‘mom’.

Patrick used to date Laura- at the time they were both using- and many bad things happened during those years.

Things that addicts do.

About 5-6 years ago I got a call- Patrick overdosed and almost died.

I prayed for Pat- he made it.

I was very grateful- and he has been clean- doing well for about 5 years.
Patrick broke up with my sister years ago- but one day asked her if she would ask my mom if he could stay at the house.

My mom let him move in at the time- and he has been here ever since.

Now- in NA/AA [Pat is very involved] they teach steps- openness- honesty- but my experience with many in the movement [I do a halfway house- take guys to detox- I’m very involved with recovery- I myself am a recovering alcoholic] mainly in Texas- is many of the guys still have the mentality of an addict- even when they stop using.

I realized that even though Pat is doing well- he has settled in living with my mom- and it’s to his benefit for her to not ever move.

So once again- there are obstacles- for my mom to finish her life with her family- I have 4 daughters- my wife and a brother and sister in law all in Texas- and eventually there will be great grandchildren.

The death of my sister was very sad- but in a way it allowed for my mom to finally make the move.

Now- at one time Patrick lived here- for free. I believe he pays some rent now.

I know my mom wants me to come back every year- and I thought maybe it will work out that I will do long term visits back here in North Bergen.

But- when a non-family member has benefits for things to stay a certain way- if I’m here- he can’t do the things me might do if I weren’t here.

One day I went to the yard to pray- and some guy was sleeping downstairs.

My mom didn’t know- and he acted like he got caught.

I did not tell my mom- but I realized that every so often Patrick might me letting people stay here- without her knowing [maybe charging?]

While these things are not real bad- they are indeed manipulative- and not honest.

So- when I’m back here- the longer I stay- the longer Patrick has to ‘adjust’ whatever things he does.

So- in a way- things happen- not big things- but games- to maybe make John go home.

Now- this is not the first time- and I usually overlook the games.

Patrick is in his 40’s- and I hoped he would become independent- get a place- and realize this situation not long term- it’s been going on for many years now.

One of the addicts you see me with on this trip is disabled- has no legs.

He has a nice apartment- raises his daughter- and is independent- yet still using.

In one of the meetings I went to on this trip- I saw one of the guys who makes every meeting.

I dont know him well- he maybe is about my age.

He spoke one night and said ‘people always tell me I should get a job’ and he went on and explained the reasons why he has no job.

Actually- he should get a job.

Part of recovery is becoming independent- hell- my ‘non-recovering’ friend is!

I love my mom- I love my friends- but our family for years has tried to have my mom move to Texas.

To be fair- she also works out a deal with Patrick where he does chores and helps her- so it’s not just a one way street- I realize this.

But I avoided being here for many years- because of what I explained above.

I do resent the fact that a non family member- who is trying to get on his feet- sees it to his benefit for my mom to stay here.

And at times has done things – little things- but things that don’t help.

The best witness- in my mind- for NA is for the people involved to move on in life- to become independent- to live a normal life as best as possible.

The little incident I wrote about yesterday was a part of this picture- it was manipulation.

Things kids do- not adults.

I will go out today and have a full day- I will make my last video for the trip- and leave early in the morning.

Talk to you later.

TUESDAY NIGHT- Danny gave me a nice gift today- 2 nice pens- he had them for 35 years. I told Danny that even though he claims to be an atheist- yet God used him in many ways.

I got a whistle from Danny [represents sound/voice- part of the teaching I’m doing- video].

Many of the comments- things that happened- were indeed prophetic.

Yesterday he told me he had a gift for me if I saw him today- I wasn’t sure if I would leave this morning- but decided I’d stay till tonight.

But- he knew I wanted to trade for a ring- but I thought I already have a ring given to me by my old friend Jim- and figured if he offered me a ring I was going to say ‘keep it till I see you again’.

Instead he gave me the pens- I was just talking about a verse to someone this past week ‘My tongue is the pen of a ready writer’.

Meaning? The things you write and speak will have impact- yeah- I took the pens.

Danny asked me some stuff about the bible- as I sat and quoted [like I have done all thru the trip] he said ‘You do something strange- when you quote the bible in these talks- I see your face- it’s like you go into a trance’.

He said ‘it’s like you’re actually reading/seeing the pages as you speak’.

I told Danny I don’t ‘see’ the pages- but I am ‘bringing’ them up from memory.

Jesus said ‘The Holy Spirit will bring all things to your remembrance’.

I had a long talk with Paul about addiction- the meaning of life- we talked for quite a while.

I told the guys the other day that I will be leaving Thursday.

Now- I only changed it by one day- didn’t even think they would notice.

So- as I was talking to Billy I said ‘yeah- wanted to see you guys before I leave in the morning’ he said ‘Todays only Tuesday- you’re not leaving till Thursday’.

I was surprised he remembered.

I said ‘I’ll see you next time’.

As he walked away he said ‘I’m bummed- that’s not till another 10 months’.

I share this to let you see that I do see these guys as friends- and they mostly see me the same way.

Why is this important? They do indeed see/hear all the stuff I’m teaching- quoting- and it’s not coming from a ‘forced’ thing- that is when you become a ‘friend’ of sinners [what they accused Jesus of] then you do have influence.

Danny asked me one day ‘do you think Billy will ever change- he’s a lost cause’.

I told him ‘honestly- no’ But I did tell him the story of a Texas friend and said he did change- and was as ‘hopeless’ as Billy.

So- at the end of this trip- I had a good time.

I’ll see my Texas friends next week- and God willing I’ll be back in North Bergen- well- the next time I simply decide to jump in the car and go.

http://wp.me/a4V5qQ-7h This is the link to the last video I made in North Bergen


Note- Do me a favor, those who read/like the posts- re-post them on other sites as well as the site you read them on. Thanks- John. Don’t forget to scroll down on the timeline [FaceBook#] - I have posted lots. visit- ccoutreach87.wordpress.com- my radio shows.

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