Thursday, April 10, 2014

2060-


THE RIGHT OF SUICIDE?


Herodotus wrote: "When life is so burdensome, death has become for man a sought-after refuge". Schopenhauer affirmed: "They tell us that suicide is the greatest act of cowardice... that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that there is nothing in the world to which every man has a more unassailable title than to his own life and person."
Schopenhauer's main work, The World as Will and Representation, occasionally uses the act in its examples. He denied that suicide was immoral and saw it as one's right to take one's life. In an allegory, he compared ending one's life, when subject to great suffering, to waking up from sleep when experiencing a terrible nightmare. However, most suicides were seen as an act of the will, as it takes place when one denies life's pains, and is thus different from ascetic renunciation of the will, which denies life's pleasures.
According to Schopenhauer, moral freedom — the highest ethical aim — is to be obtained only by a denial of the will to live. Far from being a denial, suicide is an emphatic assertion of this will. For it is in fleeing from the pleasures, not from the sufferings of life, that this denial consists. When a man destroys his existence as an individual, he is not by any means destroying his will to live. On the contrary, he would like to live if he could do so with satisfaction to himself; if he could assert his will against the power of circumstance; but circumstance is too strong for him. In short, Schopenhauer in no way advocated or supported suicide, he merely rejected the way it was viewed as a crime in his society.

Philosopher and psychiatrist Thomas Szasz goes further, arguing that suicide is the most basic right of all. If freedom is self-ownership—ownership over one's own life and body—then the right to end that life is the most basic of all. If others can force you to live, you do not own yourself and belong to them. [6]
Jean Améry, in his book On Suicide: a Discourse on Voluntary Death (originally published in German in 1976), provides a moving insight into the suicidal mind. He argues forcefully and almost romantically that suicide represents the ultimate freedom of humanity, justifying the act with phrases such as "we only arrive at ourselves in a freely chosen death" and lamenting "ridiculously everyday life and its alienation". Améry killed himself in 1978.
Philosophical thinking in the 19th and 20th century has led, in some cases, beyond thinking in terms of pro-choice, to the point that suicide is no longer a last resort, or even something that one must justify, but something that one must justify not doing. Many forms of existentialist thinking essentially begin with the premise that life is objectively meaningless, and proceed to the question of why one should not just kill oneself; they then answer this question by suggesting that the individual has the power to give personal meaning to life.

Stoicism

Although George Lyman Kittredge states that "The Stoics held that suicide is cowardly and wrong," the most famous stoics — Seneca the Younger, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius — maintain that death by one's own hand is always an option and frequently more honorable than a life of protracted misery.[7]
The Stoics accepted that suicide was permissible for the wise person in circumstances that might prevent them from living a virtuous life.[8] Plutarch held that accepting life under tyranny would have compromised Cato's self-consistency (constantia) as a Stoic and impaired his freedom to make the honorable moral choices.[9] Suicide could be justified if one fell victim to severe pain or disease,[8] but otherwise suicide would usually be seen as a rejection of one's social duty.[10]

Confucianism

Confucianism holds that failure to follow certain values is worse than death; hence, suicide can be morally permissible, and even praiseworthy, if it is done for the sake of those values. The Confucian emphasis on loyalty, self-sacrifice, and honor has tended to encourage altruistic suicide.[11] Confucius wrote, "For gentlemen of purpose and men of renwhile it is inconceivable that they should seek to stay alive at the expense of ren, it may happen that they have to accept death in order to have ren accomplished."[12] Menciuswrote:[13]
Fish is what I want; bear's palm is also what I want. If I cannot have both, I would rather take bear's palm than fish. Life is what I want; yi is also what I want. If I cannot have both, I would rather take yi than life. On the one hand, though life is what I want, there is something I want more than life. That is why I do not cling to life at all cost. On the other hand, though death is what I loathe, there is something I loathe more than death. That is why there are dangers I do not avoid . . . . Yet there are ways of remaining alive and ways of avoiding death to which a person will not resort. In other words, there are things a person wants more than life and there are also things he or she loathes more than death.
Nihilism (/ˈn.ɨlɪzəm/ or /ˈn.ɨlɪzəm/; from the Latin nihil, nothing) is a philosophical doctrine that suggests the negation of one or more putativelymeaningful aspects of life. Most commonly, nihilism is presented in the form of existential nihilism, which argues that life is without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value.[1] Moral nihilists assert that morality does not inherently exist, and that any established moral values are abstractly contrived. Nihilism can also take epistemological or ontological/metaphysical forms, meaning respectively that, in some aspect, knowledge is not possible, or that reality does not actually exist.


The other day when I had the guys at the house- Art brought up the connection of using drugs- and the ‘rush’ of out of body experiences- or near death experiences.
I told him that yes- there is a connection with ‘riding on the edge’ or risking one’s life- and having certain types of drug induced- religious experiences.

Indians use Peyote and other forms of lsd during their religious rituals.

Jim Morrison [The Doors] even sang about it ‘Break on thru to the other side’.
He considered himself a Shaman- and if you watch clips from some of his concerts- he ‘danced’ on stage in a sort of mystical way- like they were indeed entering in to some sort of religious thing.

I told Art that I distinctly remember this being a part of my past.

‘This’ meaning a certain rush when you risk your life.

In 1980 or 81- I took a ride from Kingsville to Padre Island- I was with Miguel and Mary- I think we were not married yet.

We of course were getting high and drunk [at least me and Mike were].
It was late- dark out- I told Mike ‘let’s go to the ocean- and swim out till we can’t get back- there is no greater rush than thinking you’re going to die’.

Mike agreed- but I think he thought I was joking.
We pulled up to the beach [close to where I live now].

And we jumped in.

We headed out to nowhere land- and as we got pretty far out- Mike stopped.
I think he realized I was going to do it- and at that point he wanted no more.

I went for a while- it was dark- cold- and this was the rush I was seeking- I felt this same thing  earlier when I had a bad trip on acid- at that time I did think I was going to die.

As I kept swimming- I decided to stop and see how far I went.

Till this day I don’t know if I went past the 3rd sandbar [we have 3 ridges off the coast- once you go past the 3rd bar- you are entering deep water- thats where the surf fishermen try and cast their bait- they ride out on Kayaks and cast past this bar- they catch shark and stuff at this point].

But when I stopped- I realized I was way over my head- could not touch ground.

It was dark- late- and I ‘achieved’ my goal- yes- I thought I was going to die.

Now- I went into this- wanting the ‘rush’- I got it.

At that point I began to panic- for real.

At first I tried to swim back frantically- but when your that far out the surf just pulls you out.
At one point I realized if I was going to make it- I had to calm down and pace myself.

I was always in good shape- so that’s what I did.

I calmly swam- and at one point I stopped- and felt ground under me.

Now- why do some have a fascination with death?

There are various reasons- but when people test their limits- they feel a thrill- an excitement.

A few years ago when I was teaching philosophy on the site- I ran across Camus and Sartre- 2 French philosophers who were Nihilists [and atheists].

Nihilism is a stream of thought that says ‘we have no purpose- there is no ultimate meaning in life’.

There ideas led them to question the viability of suicide. They surmised that this was the last question to answer- should we simply all kill ourselves?

I of course at the time refuted this idea- because it’s based on the ‘no hope’ paradigm.
In some of the quotes at the top- you do see various views about end of life issues.
Some are actually based- not on Nihilism- but on spirituality [remember- Morrison- who even got the name of his group The Doors- from a famous quote from a philosopher- believed that ‘breaking on thru to the other side’- death- was riding the edge of some type of spiritual realm].

Now- what about the Christian faith- does the bible- or Christian tradition- ever seem to permit suicide?

Ok- here's where I have to be careful.

I have added some bible quotes about laying down our lives for a higher cause- and I even added the quotes of Christ ‘no man takes my life from me- but I lay it down’.

Scripture teaches us there are indeed times- strategic times- where we chose death- not life.

Ok- in these ‘special’ cases- you are not usually talking about the act of suicide- but you are talking about death- choosing it- for a higher purpose.
Are there any examples In the bible?
Of course- we read about the famous martyrdom of Stephen in Acts 7- he ‘chose’ death- by speaking the truth about God- he was stoned.

Last week I taught about John the Baptist- he too was killed because he chose to speak truth.

So- dying ‘prematurely’ is at times part of the plan of God.

There are many stories not In the bible that I could give- let me hit on just one.

During the Nazi occupation of Poland in WW2- there was a priest by the name of Maximillian Kolbe.

He hid the Jews fleeing the gestapo.

He himself would wind up in the famous death camp in Auschwitz.

At one point they took 10 men to starve them to death.
One man- Franciszek Gajowniczek- shouted ‘My wife- my children’.

At this point- Kolbe said ‘take me’.

He replaced the father- and went with the other 9 to starve.

After 2 weeks 9 men died- but Kolbe survived- he prayed and held Mass every day in the camp.

The Nazis finally killed him with a lethal injection.

Kolbe was later canonized by John Paul the 2nd- there was a bit of controversy about it.

Because though he did give his life- the Church usually does not consider one a martyr unless they die for defending the faith.

But John Paul the 2nd overrode a previous decision- and said the Nazi’s carried out hatred of ‘whole categories’ of people groups- including Catholics- so Kolbe did in a sense die for the faith.

Now- I give these examples to show- that yes- there are indeed times where you do end  [lose] your life sooner- rather than later- and these deaths are indeed part of the plan of God.

A few years ago when I was writing about the Arab spring- many forget that the revolution started with the self-immolation [he lit himself on fire] of a street merchant on the streets of Tunisia [North Africa] in protest of corruption.

So- these cases- in my mind- can be considered justified- if they are done for the greater good.

Friday while I was sitting at the mission- I read the paper.

I will see what the latest crime news is- and I will pray for anything going on at the time.

Sure enough I read about some guy on the run- he was wanted for aggravated sexual assault of a minor- and the paper said he was on the run.

He kidnapped his wife earlier in the week- and was from out of town.

I remember seeing the blinking sign on the highway- looking for a truck- it said ‘kidnapping’.

So- I prayed for the situation.

Yesterday I read the follow up- later that day [Friday] he killed himself- less than a mile from Timons- where I prayed for him earlier in the day.

He was still in town- was heading to the Island.

The cops spotted him- he pulled into Red Dot pier.

As they approached him- he was weaving back and forth- and shot himself to death.

Now- ending one’s life like this- is indeed a cowardly act- not wanting to face your sin.

In my mind this is never justified.

But death- dying itself- at specific times- can indeed be a good thing- if the timing of a person’s death plays a redemptive role.

I think the whole Euthanasia debate is a good one.

Mercy Killing.

The whole debate about Obama care deals with fear of death issues- how the media does instill a fear at times ‘death panels’.

Yeah- Sarah Palins infamous Death Panels made it into the spotlight again this week.

In reality- all insurance coverage already takes into account the ‘value’ of the person’s life- when making decisions.
Should we do extensive treatment on a 90 year old?

Many addicts do not get liver transplants- because of their history.

So yes- apart from the partisanship- yeah- we already make these decisions.

I just finished reading the book of Genesis- and as I read of the deaths of Jacob and Joseph- I saw how differently they approached death.

They said ‘Ok- I’m going to die’- and they called their relatives in- gave some final blessings and direction- then simply died.

I mean there was no fear- no big panic- they knew there mission was finished- and that was that.

I think it’s also justifiable for a person to choose no treatment- if they have a terminal illness- and they are of sound mind- yes- they should take things into account.

If they don’t have medical coverage- would it be wise to bankrupt your entire family- just to add a few more years of life?

No big panic- you call your friends together- give them some final instructions- and you die.

We live in a culture that fears death- as most of us do.

But we have a tendency to put off the inevitable.

Many men have had a much greater impact- because they died sooner than what most think is right.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was also killed by the Nazi’s- he is a famous Christian Martyr- who did not write much- but because of his early death- his few writings have become much more famous [influential] than many other men who outlived him.
Once again- in his case- his premature death just might have been a God Ordained plan.

Jesus told his men one day ‘Ok- you guys have been with me for a while- now- the next step is- I’m going to Jerusalem and will be delivered into the hands of sinners- they will kill me’.

Peter rebuked the Lord ‘no- not so!’.
Jesus rebuked back ‘get behind me- satan- for you are more concerned with the things of man- then of God’.

I always wondered why Jesus had to die- after only 3 years of earthly ministry.
In the gospel of John it says ‘Many other things did Jesus do which are not written in this book- but these are written that you might believe that Jesus is the Christ’.

Now- why not live till 50?

He could have done much more?

But the timing of his death was God ordained- he lived till around 33- and died.

Now of course he still lives- but the point is he died at a set time.

If you read the many statements that Jesus made- you could say- in today’s terms- that he was ‘obsessed’ with dying.
In a way- he was.
He was determined to finish the work God gave him- and that was indeed dying on the Cross.

The point being- death is inevitable- if it furthers the work that God has for us- to ‘leave’ before what most people think is too early- then it is better- in my mind- to die at that point.

As I type this- I just got back from a busy day- even though it’s Sunday- I decided to start my week early- and only take one day off a week.

I was debating to start taking 3 day weekends- but then things turned around- I will only take ‘1’ day weekends.

I went to church early- went to visit Dirk in jail- but he never added my name to the list- then did a meeting with our guys at the halfway house- then went to church without walls.

I also stopped by Pop’s and Charlie.

Charlie is back to drinking again- and I fear he will die this year.

Yet- Tennessee- he’ been talking about making a change- good.

We all make choices- and we suffer the consequences.

Last year- before I left Texas- thinking it was going to be for good- I had the guys over one last time.
Did a big cookout- and had about 10 guys crash out at the house.
I get up early- and that morning I was up- writing- listening to some music.

I had ‘Born to Run’ from Springsteen playing.
I was getting ready to move to New Jersey- and was getting my mind prepared- Springsteen is from Freehold- N.J.- and that’s our state song.
Dirk got up- he wanted to talk to me.

Now- with all the problems Dirk has- and is facing- yet, he is one of the friends that has been quite prophetic over the years.

Things he says- stuff he mentions- he has a gift for this.

He never knows that he’s doing it- but he’ll say stuff that concerns me.

So- he got up and wanted to tell me about a dream.

He even said he felt like God wanted him to tell me.

‘Ok- what’s up?’

‘John- I dreamed that some guy was sitting in the back room of his house [where I was at the time] and he had a device- he was getting ready to pull a trigger- or hit some button- and he was going to kill himself’.

Now- he asked me if I got anything from it.

I lied- I made some excuse about just listening to Born to Run- and that it had to do with what I was writing about- I think I was writing a post about Governor Christie [N.J. Gov.]

But- I could tell that this time- he knew it was about me.

He did not know that I was going thru some stuff- and I was suicidal that year.

The song talks about suicide- and I have always kept a handgun at the house.

So- I knew that this was a warning- it was not a surprise- but a warning.

As I end this post- I want to stress that I do not think suicide is never an option- unless it is a rare case of protest- for the greater good.

But- dying for a greater cause- yes- this is indeed a noble thing- scripture actually teaches us this-
Romans 5:7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die.
Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.m


Believers have the promise of Christ- that because he passed thru death- we should not fear it- at least not as much as the unbeliever.
And there are strategic times- in the plan of God- that dying ‘early’ is indeed in the purpose of God.
Jesus said ‘whoever seeks to save his life- will lose it- but he that give it up- will gain it’.
In the bigger picture- what counts in the end is that we lived well- not long.
If an early death accomplishes more in the plan of God- then that’s a good thing- not bad.

Because like the song says [below]- many thousands pass that way every day- in reality- it’s a part of ‘life’.

Note- Morrison got the name for his group from Aldous Huxley’s book ‘The Doors of Perception’. Strangely- the book- 1st published in 1954- deals with Huxley’s drug trip- on Mescaline [the drug I took- and seemed to open up a fascination with near death experiences]. Huxley recorded his own trip on Mescaline- and even used the term ‘sacramental vision’ describing the hallucinations he had.

One of the quotes I found interesting while researching for this post was ‘We need to experience death consciousness to awaken to what’s important’ the bible says ‘teach us to number our days that we may apply our hearts to wisdom’.

Another quote- from the Nihilistic perspective- ‘we are condemned to be free’- without a God perspective- free will- even when talking about the ‘choice’ to die- has no real meaning- there really is no higher good served- because life has no meaning. But- when your death serves a greater purpose [like redeeming mankind] then it can actually be a virtue- a good thing- if your death impacts others in a positive way- then yes- it’s not meaningless- to the contrary- it’s profitable.

 

Genesis 50:24 And Joseph said unto his brethren, I die: and God will surely visit you, and bring you out of this land unto the land which he sware to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob.
Genesis 50:25 And Joseph took an oath of the children of Israel, saying, God will surely visit you, and ye shall carry up my bones from hence.
Genesis 50:26 So Joseph died, being an hundred and ten years old: and they embalmed him, and he was put in a coffin in Egypt.


Genesis 48:21 And Israel said unto Joseph, Behold, I die: but God shall be with you, and bring you again unto the land of your fathers.
Genesis 49:33 And when Jacob had made an end of commanding his sons, he gathered up his feet into the bed, and yielded up the ghost, and was gathered unto his people.
John 10:15 As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the sheep.
John 10:17 Therefore doth my Father love me, because I lay down my life, that I might take it again.
John 10:18 No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father.
John 15:12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
John 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
Hebrews 2:14 Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil;
Hebrews 2:15 And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.
Revelation 14:14 And I looked, and behold a white cloud, and upon the cloud one sat like unto the Son of man, having on his head a golden crown, and in his hand a sharp sickle.
Revelation 14:15 And another angel came out of the temple, crying with a loud voice to him that sat on the cloud, Thrust in thy sickle, and reap: for the time is come for thee to reap; for the harvest of the earth is ripe.
Revelation 14:16 And he that sat on the cloud thrust in his sickle on the earth; and the earth was reaped.

All our times have come
Here but now they're gone
Seasons don't fear the reaper
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain... we can be like they are
Come on baby... don't fear the reaper
Baby take my hand... don't fear the reaper
We'll be able to fly... don't fear the reaper
Baby I'm your man...

La la la la la
La la la la la

Valentine is done
Here but now they're gone
Romeo and Juliet
Are together in eternity... Romeo and Juliet
40, 000 men and women everyday... Like Romeo and Juliet
40, 000 men and women everyday... Redefine happiness
Another 40, 000 coming everyday... We can be like they are
Come on baby... don't fear the reaper
Baby take my hand... don't fear the reaper
We'll be able to fly... don't fear the reaper
Baby I'm your man...

La la la la la
La la la la la

Love of two is one
Here but now they're gone
Came the last night of sadness
And it was clear she couldn't go on
Then the door was open and the wind appeared
The candles blew then disappeared
The curtains flew then he appeared... saying don't be afraid
Come on baby... and she had no fear
And she ran to him... then they started to fly
They looked backward and said goodbye... she had become like they are
She had taken his hand... she had become like they are
Come on baby... don't fear the reaper













MONDAY- ‘For where a testament is- there must also be the death of the testator’ Hebrews.

I find the interaction between Jesus and his men interesting. The bible says he spoke in parables- so that the prophecy from Isaiah might be fulfilled.

What prophecy?

We often think the parables were intended to be for the purpose of making things easy to understand.
But the prophecy in Isaiah says they were for the purpose of fulfilling the prophecy that ‘having eyes- they see not- ears, they hear not’.

They were actually a judgment on those who didn’t want to see the writing on the wall- so to speak.

The disciples really did not know what he was talking about- they would ask him ‘what does this mean’ then he would elaborate- they would understand it then.

The bible says after Jesus died- and rose again- that they had a new insight into the things he was teaching them- he said things like ‘it is expedient for you that I go away [die] for when I leave the Spirit will come- and show you all the things I said’ [John’s gospel].

So- after his death- there would be a new power to the things he taught.

But- till his death- they would stumble around- doing their best- but really- these guys were pathetic.

Jesus knew that his guys were talking tough- but inside they were like all of us.

Peter told the Lord ‘I will never deny you- I will defend you to the point of death’!

See?

 Even in the culture of the day- dying for a cause was deemed a noble act.
This idea did not arise from the Christian Tradition- at first.

But a few hundred years before Christ the Greek philosophers taught this.

When Socrates was forced to drink the cyanide- he accepted his demise as a noble goal- seeing this life as a shadow- when his body died- he would then be released into another realm. [A form of Gnosticism by the way- which the church rejects].

What was his crime by the way?

He was accused of stirring up trouble with the local Athenians- by teaching them to question things- what came to be called the Socratic Method.

In a way- they accused Jesus of the same thing.

The religious leaders of his day developed all sorts of extra traditions- that they felt were in keeping with the law of God.

Actually- these traditions [of the Elders] were developed when the Jewish people were under bondage to the Greek/Seleucid Empire - Alexander the Great being one of the leaders of that day. [The time of the great Philosophers].

The Jews meant well at first- they wanted to keep their Jewish culture alive- while living under a form of Occupation.

But after a while these traditions actually came against the real will of God.

So- in the gospels we see how the Pharisees time and again would butt heads over this very thing.

They would accuse Jesus ‘you healed on the Sabbath- you’re not from God!’

Really?

He would reply ‘which one of you- if his animal falls into the pit on the Sabbath- would not rescue it’?

Hmm.

He then goes on ‘if you yourselves rescue an animal on the Sabbath- why is it wrong for me to rescue [heal] a man on the Sabbath’?

I mean these guys just couldn’t resist the wisdom he had.

So- during his 3 years of ministry with his crew- he drops hints all along the way.

‘If you try to save your life- you will lose it. But if you lose it- for my sake- you will save it’.

C’mon Jesus- what does this mean?

So- the guys are just tagging along- for the ride.

Anyway- back to Peter.

‘Yeah Jesus- I will die for you man!’

Oh really?

Jesus says ‘before the rooster crows- you will deny me- 3 times’.

Never!

Well- you know the story.

How did this affect Peter?

If you read- carefully- his preaching in the book of Acts- you would almost think the guy had some type of death wish.

I mean he’s preaching to the Jewish leaders- who did indeed crucify Christ- and he says stuff like ‘you killed him- and hung him on a tree!’

They take him aside ‘stop preaching about Jesus- we are warning you man!’

They put him in prison- an angel comes and gets him out- and sure enough- he’s back at it.

Tradition tells us that Peter was crucified- in Rome- and he requested to be crucified upside down.

He never forgave himself for those denials.

There is a verse in Hebrews chapter 11- it’s talking about those who died for the faith ‘not accepting deliverance- that they might obtain a better resurrection’.

The early church took this verse- and developed a sort of martyr mentality.

They were actually looking for opportunities to get killed!

The early church Bishops had to correct this view- and teach the believers that you don’t go out looking for it- but if it comes to you- then yes- that’s ok.

The death of Christ added power to the things he wrote while alive.

The disciples would go back and see stuff that at first they did not pick up on.

Even the actual words about his soon demise ‘the son of man must go to Jerusalem and be killed- but on the 3rd day he will rise’.

The bible says that after he died- then they got it.

I mean what’s to get?

They should have gotten it when he first said it.

But no- where a ‘testament is- there must be the death of the testator’.

It’s almost like he knew- because of the Isaiah prophecy- that even if he wanted them to understand- they wouldn’t be able- until he died.

So- in the end- all things worked out well.

The things that were written about him- the Testament- lives on.

He gained a huge following [us- the church].

And today- we follow in his steps.

The cycle repeats- in each generation we too write a ‘testament’ of sorts.

But like the Master- when we die- the testament will have a much greater force.

James- the half-brother of Jesus- said ‘all flesh is as grass- it grows up in the morning- and at night it’s mowed down- but the word of the Lord endures forever’.

There is a sense of us ‘living on’ by the things we record- while alive.

Jim Morrison said this- that through our poems- writings- and songs- we do live on.

Make an effort to document stuff- write a testament if you will- leave something for the following generations to read/see.

In time- after your gone- these things can have a great impact- people will go back and catch the hints they missed at first- in a way ‘you will still be here’.






FRIDAY [This week’s posts are not in order- I wanted the suicide post at top] ‘Catholics- Presidential advisors- and lots of dogs in the car’!

I had a good meeting in the Bluff yesterday- I am committed to doing 3 a week- and I’m finished for the week- might do one more later today in the halfway house area.

Yesterday I had John- Bryan and Sierra at the house- let them shower- use the bathroom- just giving people on the street some time to enjoy taking a shower- without having to sign a list at the mission- and rush in and out.

I met Bryan and Sierra just the other week- they have an interesting story.

Bryan got a job as a stock person at Wal Mart- they live in their car- with 3 dogs and 3 or 4 cats!

They met in Huntsville- where they are from- they were both correctional officers for the prison.

Over time they left the area- and wound up in Corpus- like a lot of people I have met over the years.
They’ve been homeless for about 3 months- and as soon as Bryan saves up enough they will get a place [rents are very high in Corpus- we are the number one occupancy rating in the country- for rentals].

I did my weekly teaching- the stuff about the woman at the well- the things I posted last week.

Bryan was at the street meeting where I preached last week.

John- who is well educated- told me after the meeting that he thought my insights were excellent- but wondered if most of the people understood what I taught.

Later he said he asked Bryan- and Bryan said yeah- he is in the process of converting to the Catholic Church- and he just read about Jesus as the Last Adam in the Catechism.

I had a good talk with Bryan and told him I actually teach both Catholic and Protestant Theology- and I even attend the Corpus Christi Cathedral [the Catholic Cathedral for this area].

I told Bryan ‘you’re safe in my meetings- my mission in no way is to try and proselytize Catholics [convert them away from the church] but part of my calling is to help Catholics- and Protestants- understand the faith- and what their respective churches teach’.

I spent some time giving Bryan the background of the church- and he had good questions- which I answered with a lot of historical church teaching- the early church fathers- things he is studying on his own.

Yeah- we were the perfect match.

I asked him how he decided to become Catholic.

He was raised in a Non-Denominational church- his wife- when they met at the prison- was Catholic.

She’s is really not as ‘into it’ as Bryan.

But- she said her whole family were born Catholic- and they left the church over time- converted to various Protestants churches.

And she just wanted to stay Catholic.

So- one day Bryan said he has never been to the Mass- and she took him.

When he went to his first Mass- he knew it was for him.
I find this interesting- at the Fire Dept. I had another friend who found the church the same way.

His name was John- all the guys knew I was ‘into the bible’ and when they had questions they would ask me stuff. [About boxing as well- I was the guy who knew the in’s and out’s- they knew the other sports- by mine was boxing].

One day I saw John reading some Catholic material- and I said ‘O great- your seeking God’.
He was surprised that I did not ‘rebuke’ him for this- most Protestants do.

John told me the same thing as Bryan- he was raised in a Pentecostal church- even did music and all- his whole family were very anti Catholic.

But when he met his wife- she was Catholic- I got the sense that she was not really ‘into it’ [like Sierra].

Yet John never attended the Mass.

And she took him for the first time- and he said he knew this was for him.

You connect with the historical roots of the church when you attend the Mass- or even any old time Christian church- we call these the ‘high church’ models.

Meaning the bells and incense and all.

Anglican- Orthodox- etc.

Now- let me tell a little of John’s story.

I hesitated to share it- because I know guy's like Pop’s- who also have good stories- but you never know if some of them are ‘made up’- now- understand- I don’t mean on purpose.

But many of my AA friends suffer from Paranoia- etc.

So- I try and be careful.

I met John Montgomery a few months back- he does not fit the homeless scene- at all.

He’s in is 60’s- lives in his car- and I can tell this is new for him.

The reason he wound up on the street is too long to tell now- but he has quite a history.

He was a sort of political advisor for Republican administrations- Reagan- Bush- etc.

He has saved the actual letters from the past- written as thank you letters form Bush- Don Reagan- and other political insiders.

He used to write articles in the Chicago Tribune- I think commentaries and stuff.

And had connections with conservative circles- sort of an activist who you wanted on your side if you were in politics.

Very interesting indeed.

John never heard me speak publicly till the other day- but he has been in my rag tag meetings- and being he is quite educated- he has told me he’s surprised at the ‘level’ that I teach at.

He kinda critiques some of the local street preachers- because he says they really don't know what they are talking about.

So- me quoting early church fathers- covering a broad range of thought- from Philosophy to Theology- and I actually discus world affairs and history- to John this seems intriguing.

He told me yesterday- and many times before- that he can’t believe he’s on the street- homeless.

He has asked God ‘why’- yesterday he said maybe it was just for the purpose of meeting me- seeing a very unusual style of ‘church’ he never knew existed.

One of the guys I talked about the other day- a drug user- who I became friends with.

After he saw the way I do ministry- I did tell him ‘no- I’m for real- this is ministry- though I’m the only non-user at the time’ [I was telling him I know all the street guys- they are my friends- because this was the first time he met me and my other friend was talking about the local scene- in a very open way- like I was part of the group- and this guy felt uncomfortable- not knowing who I was].

He said the whole thing was very unique- a special calling.

I of course see this- but it is a witness when others can see into the whole thing.

In John’s case- he thinks this might be the very reason he has spent this excursion in ‘his wilderness’.

John does do a magazine- dealing with Christianity and other stuff- he has promoted young and up and coming talent- stuff like that.

He actually thinks’ this might also be why he met me- sort of like a ‘diamond in the rough’.

I told John- I have done lots already- been on the radio for many years- no- I’m not ‘looking to be discovered’ by no means.

Actually- I think I’m back in the ‘decreasing’ mode again- the stuff I wrote about last week.

You know ‘He must increase- and I must go away’.

Now- I don’t mean leaving for good- but every so often we all need to withdraw [I did take 3 months off of the Blog last year- and at times- I think we all need to practice stuff like that].

So- had a good day- met some interesting people- and will try and do the same today.


TUESDAY- FINISH WELL.

In a little while I’ll be heading to Bishop for one of our area meetings.

Yesterday I had an interesting day- I have asked God to fill each day- a big part of my sobriety is doing outreach- you know- ‘you have to give it away to keep it’ thing.

I spent a little time at the mission- and then decided I needed a break from it.

I texted John David ‘you want to get together today’?

‘YEAH!!’

The first year we joined together to start the halfway house- I spent every day there- it was my salvation in a way.

I thought my Bluff days were over [the Bluff is the area in C.C. where I live and work with the street guys].

But I was moving to North Bergen [I thought] and I had to disconnect from the street ministry here.

So- one day I jumped in the car and headed to the other side of town.

I parked by Morgan and Crosstown- saw some homeless guys on the bus benches- and said ‘Lord- let’s start this thing one more time’.

It was hard for me to leave the old crew- but it’s exciting when you know knew things/places are on the horizon.

I met these 2 street guys- bought them breakfast- and a new journey started.

I have never done outreach in this part of town- but I thought I’d give it a shot.

Not too long after- I was with Henry- and I got a text from John David ‘you still want to do a halfway house’?

I exited the next ramp- and off we went.

I knew David for years- but we were never close.

I was [am] good friends with his brothers- Huey and Andy- but David was a mean addict- meth head- alcoholic- and murderer.

But- one day his brothers told me ‘John- David wants to talk to you- he has had some type of ‘change’.

Cool.

Sure enough I saw him at the mission- he was so excited- he looked like a different person.

He relayed his experience [which I have told before] and how he got into rehab [Charlie’s Place] and has been clean for a couple of years [he now has 5 years free from addiction].

So- when I got the text- I started that day.

He lives on some side street on the other side of town- and after going to his place for a few weeks- I realized it was only a few blocks from where I first reached out to the homeless guy’s on the bus benches.

I told David ‘this is of God- I was just here a few weeks ago- asking God to open up some doors in this area’.

So- when we first started- that was my gateway to a new journey.

I also told them after about 6 months that I was going to move back to my hometown- and start over.

David was unhappy- he needed the ‘preacher’ role for me to fill- I’m the Pastor for the halfway house.

But I kept telling them I had to go- it was the next step.

To be honest- it was a miracle that I never went back to drinking- and if I was not taking these risks- that is- going out and making an attempt to keep doing outreach- even in the midst of a firestorm- then I would have gone off the deep end- and things would have been bad [or done?] for good.

So- as I spent the day with David- we went to NeWay [the name of our halfway house].

And reminisced a bit.

I just held my weekly meeting there Sunday- the first one in a few weeks.

I have been busy starting/establishing our other ones [I’ll go back to Alice this week- I did 2 there  when I first got back from N.J.- and when I reorganized a few weeks ago- I decided to drop this meeting.

But- I got a call while I was with David- they want to keep it going- so I will].

Now- it’s hard to tell the rest- but let’s give this a shot.

I have been visiting Charlie and Pop’s a lot- I do a meeting with them too.

Pop’s lives on Waco Street- about 3 blocks from the halfway house.

Actually- he was with me in the meeting at NeWay the other day.

The last few months- when I visit Pops- Charlie [who is drinking again] always ‘compliments’ me.

‘Preacher John- I’m sorry- but you sure are good looking’.

‘Thanks Charlie- but it would sound better coming from some cute Blonde’.

You know- what else could I say?

So- Pop’s tells me ‘don’t worry John- Charlie still has that prison mentality’.

But- the other day- as I was visiting Pop’s and Charlie- Charlie tells pop’s ‘leave us alone- can’t you see I’m trying to flirt with preacher John’.

Now- I realized that Charlie does ‘like me’ a bit too much.

What did you do John?

Well- pop’s then told me [when I dropped him off at the store] that basically Charlie goes ‘both ways’.

I have met his girlfriend before.

I told Pop’s ‘Pop’s I have lots of friends- some are gay- I love them all Pop’s’.

I realized Pop’s was worried that I might stop coming by.

He sees that I do help Charlie- and that Charlie benefits [not in that way!] when I’m around.

I still hug Charlie- pray for him- and even though I caught on- that’s ok.

My biggest fear is that Charlie is drinking again- and I know this is his last chance.

Later on I told David and Jackie ‘Yeah- I felt like I had to get away from the Bluff today- and you know- old Charlie boy is hitting on me’.

Charlie who?

They know Charlie- and to be honest- he doesn’t come across as gay- maybe he really just has a ‘crush’ on me- who knows?

I told them ‘Charlie- the guy you had sleeping here last year’.

They were surprised.

Ok- while we were visiting Chris at the halfway house- David and I kid around- he tells Chris ‘yeah- can you believe Charlie is hitting on preacher John’.

Now- Chris was one of the guys on is deathbed and in the hospital when I prayed for Charlie- who too was on a respirator.

Yeah- the alcoholics we work with- are that bad.

I feel guilty at times- I was actually drinking longer than some of them- for more years- yet I never went down that bad.

So- David tells Chris about Charlie- and I like Chris- he studied for the priesthood at Notre Dame- as well as his brother Jude.

And he has never sat in my meeting- till this past Sunday- I think he liked it - after the teaching he made the sign of the Cross.

So- Chris hears the scoop- I say ‘yeah- I guess I’ll have to make the sacrifice- you know- take a hit for the team’.

Of course I’m kidding- but Chris laughs.

Now- Chris has been in and out of the hospital about 5 times since I’ve known him.

I mean he has been on his deathbed a lot.

I got a call from David at about 8 o’clock last night.

Chris collapsed on the floor- the ambulance took him back to the hospital again.

I’ll find out later how he’s doing.

As I spent the day with David- ran him around to do some errands [his car is down] he enjoyed us being together all day- it reminded him- and me- of when we first started working together with the halfway house.

I walked around the halfway house a bit- saw some of the furniture I donated when it first opened.

Outside the building my old yard clock hangs- it says ‘grand central station- New York’.

It’s a nice clock- I’m surprised nobody has stolen the thing yet!

Yeah- right after we started NeWay- I did indeed ‘ride the train’ to NY- and did 3 months of street outreach.

I’m grateful for these past 2 years- to be honest- I was indeed on the edge- a lot.

I was a danger to myself- and others.

I’m not 100 % back yet- but I’m doing much better than 2 years ago.

I don’t understand a lot of stuff- I still get pissed off- yes- at times- even with God.

But he knows I’m trying- he knows you’re trying- in the end- that’s all we can do.

Jesus said ‘I have come to do his will- and to finish is work’.

I mentioned something to a friend the other day- about a possible health issue- they gave me some advice.

I told them ‘you know- I’m clean- I don’t drink- I feel like I’m finishing well- this would be a good time to ‘finish well’.

I’m just grateful to God for all he has done- I am trying to tell the guys- this year is a big year- God is going to do things that you never expected.

Maybe some things that you might not like- or things that you don’t understand at first.

But it’s important for all of us- to finish well.

Amen.

WEDNESDAY-  BURNT BRIDGES

 I walked into the mission yesterday- and Bill told me ‘John- a lawyer was looking for you yesterday- he got here right after you left’.

I got the card- and message.

It was Dirks public defender- yeah- the reason I was not on the visitors list [County jail] was they needed more info.

Plus- the lawyer needed to ask me some questions about the incident.

I spoke to him for about 20 minutes- I did ask him what the charge would be- because there are various charges that the state could use.

It was a tough one- from what I understand he might have to do a few years- maybe more.

I told him I’ll keep his number- and if he needs any more help to contact me.
I did say ‘in case he asks about his dog- tell him he’s doing great’.
The lawyer said ‘yeah- he did ask’.

It’s ‘funny’ since some of the homeless crew found out Dirk dropped off Gunner at my house- a few of them have asked for him, they wanted to keep him.

I of course told them- thanks- but no- I’m keeping the dog.

I took a few boys to our Bishop meeting- I never know whose going- at first I thought I might cancel- because I don’t want to go alone- not enough for a meeting.

But Matt showed up- and a new kid I met about a week ago- I asked ‘hey Justin- you want to go to a meeting with me’.

Sure!

I met Justin in a strange way to say the least.

A few weeks ago I told Lance- another young kid on a bad path- that I don’t drink or use drugs- but I started taking Valerian Root again- well to be honest- because I have had a temper problem the last month or so.

Valerian root- a derivative of Valium [or the other way around?]- is a natural over the counter supplement that is legal.

It works good.

So- I gave a few to Lance one day- at the house- and figured it’s better than these guys doing illegal stuff.

So- Lance asks me ‘Hey John- you have any Valerian on you’.

I laugh- I mean I’m not a dealer you know.

But- one day I put 3 in my pocket- figured I’ll make the kid happy.

So- the day I gave them to Lance- Justin says ‘cool bro- you get high on the herbals- were I come from we did that all the time- you’re a rare breed’.

Now- even though I do not like the ‘preacher’ title- here I had to use it.

‘Justin- actually I’m a preacher- but the Valerian is really not to get high- I use it to calm me down’.
So- he was surprised to hear this- and ever since he has made an effort to talk to me.

I just found out he quit using hard drugs- and ‘got saved’ at the Rock church the other day.

So- I took him and Matt to Bishop- and he liked it a lot.

A lot of my younger friends are widely read- I mean they value the writings of various religions- and sort of stereotype some ‘old guy’ [me!].

Some of it is true- but not all.

During the meeting I talked off the cuff- but did talk about the other writings of various religions- in a good way.
I do know a lot of history and stuff- so Justin told me he really liked the style of teaching.

We had a good meeting.

Earlier in the day Emit called me- I thought he wanted go to the meeting- because this meeting in Bishop is with Eli- and Emit and Eli met in my little church back in 1987-89.

I baptized them both the same day- in my pool in Kingsville.

They have a lot of history with me and each other.

But no- Emit asked if I could bring a few guys over and help him move some stuff- he has been asking me for the past 2 months- I tell him yeah- but then he puts it off.

So- I told him after Bishop- I’ll call- and if he needs us- we will stop by when we get back to Corpus.

Sure enough he needed us.

Now- being he has been ‘moving’ for at least 2 months- I figured he had everything packed- right?

Nope.

Look- I’m pretty organized- even during my worst times.

But still- my worst- well let’s say- is better than Emit’s best.
So- we get there- and Matt and Justin were gracious- me too- at first.

I used to work for Bekins moving company- and there are ways to move stuff.

But- I had to be patient- and a lot of time was wasted- simply carrying little individual items down the stairs- into the truck [I’ll post the pics].

So- after the first truckload [I though he just needed help with a few big items- not an entire house moving!]

On the way back- for the other load- I had to ‘take charge’.

‘Look Emit- we need to move your big stuff- I have 2 guys here- then you do your packing- cleaning- and move all your little stuff later’.

I mean he saw- as well as Justin and Matt- that it doesn’t take much for me to get mad.

It really wasn’t much- but they saw.

So- we loaded the 2nd load- and that was that.
We also unloaded- and again- I told Emit ‘Look bro- lets unload the stuff- and you have to arrange your new house later’.

It really was a lesson in not knowing how to manage your time- and ‘free’ manpower.

But all went well.

We sat outside after the move- and did do another fellowship.

Emit has not been with me and the guys for years.

We go back a long way- and in a way this was his first meeting in a while.

I used to preach to his dad- 29 years ago- at the jail in Kingsville- eventually the whole family became members of my church.

The dads- older brothers [Eli too] were my main crew- the addicts who did lots of time in prison and stuff.

But the younger guys [who were closer to my age then the dads] they became a part of the ministry thru me working with the harder cases.

But Emit is ‘on fire’ for the Lord- despite his own struggles in life.
In a way- it was good for Emit to see my new guys- when I left Kingsville in 1992- and moved to Corpus.

The old crew did say ‘we hope you’re not abandoning us for your new street friends’.

I told them no- no way.

But because I moved- in a way they did feel abandoned.
This last year though- I hooked up with them again by expanding the meetings to other towns.

Emit told my new guys ‘yeah bro- Brother John’s the real deal- he has been doing this for 30 years’.
I think my Bluff guys needed to hear it- they did.

As we headed out- Emit got emotional- and started to cry.

Why?

He saw my journey- that I did do what I said when I ‘left’ them years ago.

I did start over [and that was not the first time- or maybe the last] and picked up- and moved on.

Emit in a way connected- again- with my ‘new family’.

I told the guys ‘let’s pray’.
We did.

Oh- I forgot- one of the most important things that happened- was Emit asked ‘Bro John- have you talked with David’?

No bro- no.

David?

In my years of ministry- there have been street guys- ex-cons- etc. who I have become real good friends with.

That is- almost like ‘best friend’ type things.

David was the son of Leonard- the dad that I reached out to first.

There family had struggles with addiction- shooting up- for years.

So- the sons became my friends.

David was [is] one of the best ‘fruit’ that came from that time- we became close friends- and I wrote to the guys in prison- and David was one [I mean I wrote hundreds of letters over the years- I kept in touch with these guys].

But- as things go- when I’m drunk- yeah- I would burn bridges.

David was one.

I did have a bad year around 1990-91.

It was no secret- John was back out- hitting the clubs- drinking- everyone knew.

I also realized at that time- that the violence thing was real- not a show.
Even the guys at the fire dept. said ‘great John- you can finally go to the clubs with us’.

But- after a few times- they said ‘man- don’t go with John’.
Why?

I was always looking to start a fight- and they felt uncomfortable.

Anyway- a few years ago I burned some bridges with David- and even though I did tell his kid- on Facebook- tell your dad I’m sorry- I don’t know if he got the message.

So- Emit must have known something was up- he called David- and we talked for the first time in a few years.

I will visit David soon- and think that will become our Kingsville meeting.

David was a hard core addict for many years- but he is a counselor now- and his story is a good one.

Yeah- God restored some stuff.

On the way to the car- Emit said ‘Yeah John- remember that night you beat the hell out of Leonard’ [David’s brother- same story as David].

I told him yeah- then had to explain to the boys in the car.

Yes- I don’t need to tell it all- he did sucker punch me in an alley in Kingsville during my ‘bad year’- so- he asked for it.

But that’s all about that.

Things do come back- I mean this was in 1991- Emit was there that night.

Yeah- like the song says ‘I'd like to believe we could reconcile the past 

Resurrect those bridges with an ancient glance 

But my old stone face can't seem to break her down 

She remembers bridges, burns them to the ground 

I have become cumbersome to this world 

I have become cumbersome to my girl ‘

Some people remember the bridges that burned- and find it difficult to reconcile the past.

Note- Do me a favor, those who read/like the posts- re-post them on other sites as well as the site you read them on. Thanks- John. Don’t forget to scroll down on the timeline [FaceBook#] - I have posted lots.






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