2060-
THE RIGHT OF SUICIDE?
Herodotus wrote: "When life is so
burdensome, death has become for man a sought-after refuge". Schopenhauer
affirmed: "They tell us that suicide is the greatest act of cowardice...
that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that there is nothing in the
world to which every man has a more unassailable title than to his own life and
person."
Schopenhauer's main work, The World as Will and
Representation, occasionally uses the act in its examples. He denied that
suicide was immoral and saw it as one's right to take one's life. In an
allegory, he compared ending one's life, when subject to great suffering, to
waking up from sleep when experiencing a terrible nightmare. However, most
suicides were seen as an act of the will,
as it takes place when one denies life's pains, and is thus different from
ascetic renunciation of the will, which denies life's pleasures.
According to Schopenhauer,
moral freedom — the highest ethical aim — is to be obtained only by a
denial of the will to live. Far from being a denial, suicide is an emphatic
assertion of this will. For it is in fleeing from the pleasures, not from the
sufferings of life, that this denial consists. When a man destroys his existence
as an individual, he is not by any means destroying his will to live. On the
contrary, he would like to live if he could do so with satisfaction to himself;
if he could assert his will against the power of circumstance; but circumstance
is too strong for him. In short, Schopenhauer in no way advocated or supported
suicide, he merely rejected the way it was viewed as a crime in his society.
Philosopher and psychiatrist Thomas Szasz goes
further, arguing that suicide is the most basic right of all. If freedom is self-ownership—ownership over one's own life and
body—then the right to end that life is the most basic of all. If others can
force you to live, you do not own yourself and belong to them. [6]
Jean Améry, in his book On Suicide: a Discourse on
Voluntary Death (originally
published in German in 1976), provides a moving insight into the suicidal mind.
He argues forcefully and almost romantically that suicide represents the
ultimate freedom of humanity, justifying the act with phrases such as "we
only arrive at ourselves in a freely chosen death" and lamenting
"ridiculously everyday life and its alienation". Améry
killed himself in 1978.
Philosophical thinking in the 19th and 20th century has led, in some
cases, beyond thinking in terms of pro-choice, to the point that suicide is no
longer a last resort, or even something that one must justify, but something
that one must justify not doing. Many forms of existentialist thinking
essentially begin with the premise that life is objectively meaningless, and
proceed to the question of why one should not just kill oneself; they then
answer this question by suggesting that the individual has the power to give
personal meaning to life.
Stoicism
Although George Lyman Kittredge states that "The Stoics held that
suicide is cowardly and wrong," the most famous stoics — Seneca the Younger, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius — maintain that death by one's
own hand is always an option and frequently more honorable than a life of
protracted misery.[7]
The Stoics accepted that suicide was
permissible for the wise person in circumstances that might prevent them from
living a virtuous life.[8] Plutarch held
that accepting life under tyranny would have compromised Cato's self-consistency (constantia) as a
Stoic and impaired his freedom to make the honorable moral choices.[9] Suicide
could be justified if one fell victim to severe pain or disease,[8] but otherwise suicide would usually be
seen as a rejection of one's social duty.[10]
Confucianism
Confucianism holds
that failure to follow certain values is worse than death; hence, suicide can
be morally permissible, and even praiseworthy, if it is done for the sake of
those values. The Confucian emphasis on loyalty, self-sacrifice, and honor has
tended to encourage altruistic suicide.[11] Confucius wrote,
"For gentlemen of purpose and men of renwhile it is
inconceivable that they should seek to stay alive at the expense of ren, it may
happen that they have to accept death in order to have ren accomplished."[12] Menciuswrote:[13]
“
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Fish is what I want; bear's palm is also what I
want. If I cannot have both, I would rather take bear's palm than fish. Life
is what I want; yi is also what I want. If I cannot
have both, I would rather take yi than life. On the one hand, though life is
what I want, there is something I want more than life. That is why I do not
cling to life at all cost. On the other hand, though death is what I loathe,
there is something I loathe more than death. That is why there are dangers I
do not avoid . . . . Yet there are ways of remaining alive and ways of
avoiding death to which a person will not resort. In other words, there are
things a person wants more than life and there are also things he or she
loathes more than death.
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”
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Nihilism (/ˈnaɪ.ɨlɪzəm/ or /ˈniː.ɨlɪzəm/; from the Latin nihil,
nothing) is a philosophical doctrine that suggests the negation of one or more putativelymeaningful aspects of life.
Most commonly, nihilism is presented in the form of existential nihilism, which argues that life is
without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value.[1] Moral
nihilists assert
that morality does not inherently exist, and that any
established moral values are abstractly contrived. Nihilism can also take epistemological or ontological/metaphysical forms, meaning respectively that, in
some aspect, knowledge is not possible, or that reality does not actually
exist.
The other day when I had
the guys at the house- Art brought up the connection of using drugs- and the
‘rush’ of out of body experiences- or near death experiences.
I told him that yes- there
is a connection with ‘riding on the edge’ or risking one’s life- and having
certain types of drug induced- religious experiences.
Indians use Peyote and
other forms of lsd during their religious rituals.
Jim Morrison [The Doors]
even sang about it ‘Break on thru to the other side’.
He considered himself a
Shaman- and if you watch clips from some of his concerts- he ‘danced’ on stage
in a sort of mystical way- like they were indeed entering in to some sort of
religious thing.
I told Art that I
distinctly remember this being a part of my past.
‘This’ meaning a certain
rush when you risk your life.
In 1980 or 81- I took a
ride from Kingsville to Padre Island- I was with Miguel and Mary- I think we
were not married yet.
We of course were getting
high and drunk [at least me and Mike were].
It was late- dark out- I
told Mike ‘let’s go to the ocean- and swim out till we can’t get back- there is
no greater rush than thinking you’re going to die’.
Mike agreed- but I think he
thought I was joking.
We pulled up to the beach
[close to where I live now].
And we jumped in.
We headed out to nowhere
land- and as we got pretty far out- Mike stopped.
I think he realized I was
going to do it- and at that point he wanted no more.
I went for a while- it was
dark- cold- and this was the rush I was seeking- I felt this same thing earlier when I had a bad trip on acid- at
that time I did think I was going to die.
As I kept swimming- I
decided to stop and see how far I went.
Till this day I don’t know
if I went past the 3rd sandbar [we have 3 ridges off the coast- once
you go past the 3rd bar- you are entering deep water- thats where
the surf fishermen try and cast their bait- they ride out on Kayaks and cast
past this bar- they catch shark and stuff at this point].
But when I stopped- I
realized I was way over my head- could not touch ground.
It was dark- late- and I
‘achieved’ my goal- yes- I thought I was going to die.
Now- I went into this-
wanting the ‘rush’- I got it.
At that point I began to
panic- for real.
At first I tried to swim
back frantically- but when your that far out the surf just pulls you out.
At one point I realized if
I was going to make it- I had to calm down and pace myself.
I was always in good shape-
so that’s what I did.
I calmly swam- and at one
point I stopped- and felt ground under me.
Now- why do some have a
fascination with death?
There are various reasons-
but when people test their limits- they feel a thrill- an excitement.
A few years ago when I was
teaching philosophy on the site- I ran across Camus and Sartre- 2 French
philosophers who were Nihilists [and atheists].
Nihilism is a stream of
thought that says ‘we have no purpose- there is no ultimate meaning in life’.
There ideas led them to
question the viability of suicide. They surmised that this was the last question
to answer- should we simply all kill ourselves?
I of course at the time
refuted this idea- because it’s based on the ‘no hope’ paradigm.
In some of the quotes at
the top- you do see various views about end of life issues.
Some are actually based-
not on Nihilism- but on spirituality [remember- Morrison- who even got the name
of his group The Doors- from a famous quote from a philosopher- believed that
‘breaking on thru to the other side’- death- was riding the edge of some type
of spiritual realm].
Now- what about the
Christian faith- does the bible- or Christian tradition- ever seem to permit
suicide?
Ok- here's where I have to
be careful.
I have added some bible
quotes about laying down our lives for a higher cause- and I even added the
quotes of Christ ‘no man takes my life from me- but I lay it down’.
Scripture teaches us there
are indeed times- strategic times- where we chose death- not life.
Ok- in these ‘special’
cases- you are not usually talking about the act of suicide- but you are talking
about death- choosing it- for a higher purpose.
Are there any examples In
the bible?
Of course- we read about
the famous martyrdom of Stephen in Acts 7- he ‘chose’ death- by speaking the
truth about God- he was stoned.
Last week I taught about
John the Baptist- he too was killed because he chose to speak truth.
So- dying ‘prematurely’ is
at times part of the plan of God.
There are many stories not
In the bible that I could give- let me hit on just one.
During the Nazi occupation
of Poland in WW2- there was a priest by the name of Maximillian Kolbe.
He hid the Jews fleeing the
gestapo.
He himself would wind up in
the famous death camp in Auschwitz.
At one point they took 10
men to starve them to death.
One man- Franciszek
Gajowniczek- shouted ‘My wife- my children’.
At this point- Kolbe said
‘take me’.
He replaced the father- and
went with the other 9 to starve.
After 2 weeks 9 men died-
but Kolbe survived- he prayed and held Mass every day in the camp.
The Nazis finally killed
him with a lethal injection.
Kolbe was later canonized
by John Paul the 2nd- there was a bit of controversy about it.
Because though he did give
his life- the Church usually does not consider one a martyr unless they die for
defending the faith.
But John Paul the 2nd
overrode a previous decision- and said the Nazi’s carried out hatred of ‘whole
categories’ of people groups- including Catholics- so Kolbe did in a sense die
for the faith.
Now- I give these examples
to show- that yes- there are indeed times where you do end [lose] your life sooner- rather than later-
and these deaths are indeed part of the plan of God.
A few years ago when I was
writing about the Arab spring- many forget that the revolution started with the
self-immolation [he lit himself on fire] of a street merchant on the streets of
Tunisia [North Africa] in protest of corruption.
So- these cases- in my
mind- can be considered justified- if they are done for the greater good.
Friday while I was sitting
at the mission- I read the paper.
I will see what the latest
crime news is- and I will pray for anything going on at the time.
Sure enough I read about
some guy on the run- he was wanted for aggravated sexual assault of a minor-
and the paper said he was on the run.
He kidnapped his wife
earlier in the week- and was from out of town.
I remember seeing the
blinking sign on the highway- looking for a truck- it said ‘kidnapping’.
So- I prayed for the
situation.
Yesterday I read the follow
up- later that day [Friday] he killed himself- less than a mile from Timons-
where I prayed for him earlier in the day.
He was still in town- was
heading to the Island.
The cops spotted him- he
pulled into Red Dot pier.
As they approached him- he
was weaving back and forth- and shot himself to death.
Now- ending one’s life like
this- is indeed a cowardly act- not wanting to face your sin.
In my mind this is never
justified.
But death- dying itself- at
specific times- can indeed be a good thing- if the timing of a person’s death
plays a redemptive role.
I think the whole
Euthanasia debate is a good one.
Mercy Killing.
The whole debate about
Obama care deals with fear of death issues- how the media does instill a fear
at times ‘death panels’.
Yeah- Sarah Palins infamous
Death Panels made it into the spotlight again this week.
In reality- all insurance
coverage already takes into account the ‘value’ of the person’s life- when
making decisions.
Should we do extensive
treatment on a 90 year old?
Many addicts do not get
liver transplants- because of their history.
So yes- apart from the
partisanship- yeah- we already make these decisions.
I just finished reading the
book of Genesis- and as I read of the deaths of Jacob and Joseph- I saw how
differently they approached death.
They said ‘Ok- I’m going to
die’- and they called their relatives in- gave some final blessings and
direction- then simply died.
I mean there was no fear-
no big panic- they knew there mission was finished- and that was that.
I think it’s also
justifiable for a person to choose no treatment- if they have a terminal
illness- and they are of sound mind- yes- they should take things into account.
If they don’t have medical
coverage- would it be wise to bankrupt your entire family- just to add a few
more years of life?
No big panic- you call your
friends together- give them some final instructions- and you die.
We live in a culture that
fears death- as most of us do.
But we have a tendency to
put off the inevitable.
Many men have had a much
greater impact- because they died sooner than what most think is right.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer was
also killed by the Nazi’s- he is a famous Christian Martyr- who did not write
much- but because of his early death- his few writings have become much more
famous [influential] than many other men who outlived him.
Once again- in his case-
his premature death just might have been a God Ordained plan.
Jesus told his men one day
‘Ok- you guys have been with me for a while- now- the next step is- I’m going
to Jerusalem and will be delivered into the hands of sinners- they will kill
me’.
Peter rebuked the Lord ‘no-
not so!’.
Jesus rebuked back ‘get
behind me- satan- for you are more concerned with the things of man- then of
God’.
I always wondered why Jesus
had to die- after only 3 years of earthly ministry.
In the gospel of John it
says ‘Many other things did Jesus do which are not written in this book- but
these are written that you might believe that Jesus is the Christ’.
Now- why not live till 50?
He could have done much
more?
But the timing of his death
was God ordained- he lived till around 33- and died.
Now of course he still
lives- but the point is he died at a set time.
If you read the many
statements that Jesus made- you could say- in today’s terms- that he was
‘obsessed’ with dying.
In a way- he was.
He was determined to finish
the work God gave him- and that was indeed dying on the Cross.
The point being- death is
inevitable- if it furthers the work that God has for us- to ‘leave’ before what
most people think is too early- then it is better- in my mind- to die at that
point.
As I type this- I just got
back from a busy day- even though it’s Sunday- I decided to start my week
early- and only take one day off a week.
I was debating to start
taking 3 day weekends- but then things turned around- I will only take ‘1’ day
weekends.
I went to church early-
went to visit Dirk in jail- but he never added my name to the list- then did a
meeting with our guys at the halfway house- then went to church without walls.
I also stopped by Pop’s and
Charlie.
Charlie is back to drinking
again- and I fear he will die this year.
Yet- Tennessee- he’ been
talking about making a change- good.
We all make choices- and we
suffer the consequences.
Last year- before I left
Texas- thinking it was going to be for good- I had the guys over one last time.
Did a big cookout- and had
about 10 guys crash out at the house.
I get up early- and that
morning I was up- writing- listening to some music.
I had ‘Born to Run’ from
Springsteen playing.
I was getting ready to move
to New Jersey- and was getting my mind prepared- Springsteen is from Freehold-
N.J.- and that’s our state song.
Dirk got up- he wanted to
talk to me.
Now- with all the problems
Dirk has- and is facing- yet, he is one of the friends that has been quite
prophetic over the years.
Things he says- stuff he
mentions- he has a gift for this.
He never knows that he’s
doing it- but he’ll say stuff that concerns me.
So- he got up and wanted to
tell me about a dream.
He even said he felt like
God wanted him to tell me.
‘Ok- what’s up?’
‘John- I dreamed that some
guy was sitting in the back room of his house [where I was at the time] and he
had a device- he was getting ready to pull a trigger- or hit some button- and
he was going to kill himself’.
Now- he asked me if I got
anything from it.
I lied- I made some excuse
about just listening to Born to Run- and that it had to do with what I was
writing about- I think I was writing a post about Governor Christie [N.J. Gov.]
But- I could tell that this
time- he knew it was about me.
He did not know that I was
going thru some stuff- and I was suicidal that year.
The song talks about
suicide- and I have always kept a handgun at the house.
So- I knew that this was a
warning- it was not a surprise- but a warning.
As I end this post- I want
to stress that I do not think suicide is never an option- unless it is a rare
case of protest- for the greater good.
But- dying for a greater
cause- yes- this is indeed a noble thing- scripture actually teaches us this-
Romans 5:7
For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man
some would even dare to die.
Romans 5:8
But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners,
Christ died for us.m
Believers have the promise
of Christ- that because he passed thru death- we should not fear it- at least
not as much as the unbeliever.
And there are strategic
times- in the plan of God- that dying ‘early’ is indeed in the purpose of God.
Jesus said ‘whoever seeks
to save his life- will lose it- but he that give it up- will gain it’.
In the bigger picture- what
counts in the end is that we lived well- not long.
If an early death
accomplishes more in the plan of God- then that’s a good thing- not bad.
Because like the song says
[below]- many thousands pass that way every day- in reality- it’s a part of
‘life’.
Note- Morrison got the name
for his group from Aldous Huxley’s book ‘The Doors of Perception’. Strangely-
the book- 1st published in 1954- deals with Huxley’s drug trip- on
Mescaline [the drug I took- and seemed to open up a fascination with near death
experiences]. Huxley recorded his own trip on Mescaline- and even used the term
‘sacramental vision’ describing the hallucinations he had.
One of the quotes I found
interesting while researching for this post was ‘We need to experience death
consciousness to awaken to what’s important’ the bible says ‘teach us to number
our days that we may apply our hearts to wisdom’.
Another quote- from the
Nihilistic perspective- ‘we are condemned to be free’- without a God
perspective- free will- even when talking about the ‘choice’ to die- has no
real meaning- there really is no higher good served- because life has no
meaning. But- when your death serves a greater purpose [like redeeming mankind]
then it can actually be a virtue- a good thing- if your death impacts others in
a positive way- then yes- it’s not meaningless- to the contrary- it’s
profitable.
Genesis 50:25 And Joseph took an oath of the children of Israel, saying, God will surely visit you, and ye shall carry up my bones from hence.
Genesis 50:26 So Joseph died, being an hundred and ten years old: and they embalmed him, and he was put in a coffin in Egypt.
Genesis 48:21 And
Israel said unto Joseph, Behold, I die: but God shall be with you, and bring
you again unto the land of your fathers.
Genesis 49:33 And when
Jacob had made an end of commanding his sons, he gathered up his feet into the
bed, and yielded up the ghost, and was gathered unto his people.
John 10:15 As the
Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the
sheep.
John 10:17
Therefore doth my Father love me, because I lay down my life, that I might take
it again.
John 10:18
No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it
down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my
Father.
John 15:12
This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
John 15:13
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his
friends.
Hebrews 2:14
Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also
himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him
that had the power of death, that is, the devil;
Hebrews 2:15
And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to
bondage.
Revelation
14:14 And I looked, and behold a white cloud, and upon the cloud one sat like
unto the Son of man, having on his head a golden crown, and in his hand a sharp
sickle.
Revelation
14:15 And another angel came out of the temple, crying with a loud voice to him
that sat on the cloud, Thrust in thy sickle, and reap: for the time is come for
thee to reap; for the harvest of the earth is ripe.
Revelation
14:16 And he that sat on the cloud thrust in his sickle on the earth; and the
earth was reaped.
All our
times have come
Here but now they're gone
Seasons don't fear the reaper
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain... we can be like they are
Come on baby... don't fear the reaper
Baby take my hand... don't fear the reaper
We'll be able to fly... don't fear the reaper
Baby I'm your man...
La la la la la
La la la la la
Valentine is done
Here but now they're gone
Romeo and Juliet
Are together in eternity... Romeo and Juliet
40, 000 men and women everyday... Like Romeo and Juliet
40, 000 men and women everyday... Redefine happiness
Another 40, 000 coming everyday... We can be like they are
Come on baby... don't fear the reaper
Baby take my hand... don't fear the reaper
We'll be able to fly... don't fear the reaper
Baby I'm your man...
La la la la la
La la la la la
Love of two is one
Here but now they're gone
Came the last night of sadness
And it was clear she couldn't go on
Then the door was open and the wind appeared
The candles blew then disappeared
The curtains flew then he appeared... saying don't be afraid
Come on baby... and she had no fear
And she ran to him... then they started to fly
They looked backward and said goodbye... she had become like they are
She had taken his hand... she had become like they are
Come on baby... don't fear the reaper
Here but now they're gone
Seasons don't fear the reaper
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain... we can be like they are
Come on baby... don't fear the reaper
Baby take my hand... don't fear the reaper
We'll be able to fly... don't fear the reaper
Baby I'm your man...
La la la la la
La la la la la
Valentine is done
Here but now they're gone
Romeo and Juliet
Are together in eternity... Romeo and Juliet
40, 000 men and women everyday... Like Romeo and Juliet
40, 000 men and women everyday... Redefine happiness
Another 40, 000 coming everyday... We can be like they are
Come on baby... don't fear the reaper
Baby take my hand... don't fear the reaper
We'll be able to fly... don't fear the reaper
Baby I'm your man...
La la la la la
La la la la la
Love of two is one
Here but now they're gone
Came the last night of sadness
And it was clear she couldn't go on
Then the door was open and the wind appeared
The candles blew then disappeared
The curtains flew then he appeared... saying don't be afraid
Come on baby... and she had no fear
And she ran to him... then they started to fly
They looked backward and said goodbye... she had become like they are
She had taken his hand... she had become like they are
Come on baby... don't fear the reaper
MONDAY- ‘For where a testament
is- there must also be the death of the testator’ Hebrews.
I find the interaction between Jesus
and his men interesting. The bible says he spoke in parables- so that the
prophecy from Isaiah might be fulfilled.
What prophecy?
We often think the parables were
intended to be for the purpose of making things easy to understand.
But the prophecy in Isaiah says
they were for the purpose of fulfilling the prophecy that ‘having eyes- they
see not- ears, they hear not’.
They were actually a judgment on
those who didn’t want to see the writing on the wall- so to speak.
The disciples really did not know
what he was talking about- they would ask him ‘what does this mean’ then he
would elaborate- they would understand it then.
The bible says after Jesus died-
and rose again- that they had a new insight into the things he was teaching them-
he said things like ‘it is expedient for you that I go away [die] for when I
leave the Spirit will come- and show you all the things I said’ [John’s
gospel].
So- after his death- there would be
a new power to the things he taught.
But- till his death- they would
stumble around- doing their best- but really- these guys were pathetic.
Jesus knew that his guys were talking
tough- but inside they were like all of us.
Peter told the Lord ‘I will never
deny you- I will defend you to the point of death’!
See?
Even in the culture of the day- dying for a
cause was deemed a noble act.
This idea did not arise from the
Christian Tradition- at first.
But a few hundred years before
Christ the Greek philosophers taught this.
When Socrates was forced to drink
the cyanide- he accepted his demise as a noble goal- seeing this life as a
shadow- when his body died- he would then be released into another realm. [A
form of Gnosticism by the way- which the church rejects].
What was his crime by the way?
He was accused of stirring up trouble
with the local Athenians- by teaching them to question things- what came to be
called the Socratic Method.
In a way- they accused Jesus of
the same thing.
The religious leaders of his day developed
all sorts of extra traditions- that they felt were in keeping with the law of
God.
Actually- these traditions [of
the Elders] were developed when the Jewish people were under bondage to the
Greek/Seleucid Empire - Alexander the Great being one of the leaders of that
day. [The time of the great Philosophers].
The Jews meant well at first-
they wanted to keep their Jewish culture alive- while living under a form of
Occupation.
But after a while these traditions
actually came against the real will of God.
So- in the gospels we see how the
Pharisees time and again would butt heads over this very thing.
They would accuse Jesus ‘you
healed on the Sabbath- you’re not from God!’
Really?
He would reply ‘which one of you-
if his animal falls into the pit on the Sabbath- would not rescue it’?
Hmm.
He then goes on ‘if you
yourselves rescue an animal on the Sabbath- why is it wrong for me to rescue
[heal] a man on the Sabbath’?
I mean these guys just couldn’t resist
the wisdom he had.
So- during his 3 years of
ministry with his crew- he drops hints all along the way.
‘If you try to save your life-
you will lose it. But if you lose it- for my sake- you will save it’.
C’mon Jesus- what does this mean?
So- the guys are just tagging
along- for the ride.
Anyway- back to Peter.
‘Yeah Jesus- I will die for you
man!’
Oh really?
Jesus says ‘before the rooster
crows- you will deny me- 3 times’.
Never!
Well- you know the story.
How did this affect Peter?
If you read- carefully- his
preaching in the book of Acts- you would almost think the guy had some type of
death wish.
I mean he’s preaching to the
Jewish leaders- who did indeed crucify Christ- and he says stuff like ‘you
killed him- and hung him on a tree!’
They take him aside ‘stop
preaching about Jesus- we are warning you man!’
They put him in prison- an angel
comes and gets him out- and sure enough- he’s back at it.
Tradition tells us that Peter was
crucified- in Rome- and he requested to be crucified upside down.
He never forgave himself for
those denials.
There is a verse in Hebrews
chapter 11- it’s talking about those who died for the faith ‘not accepting
deliverance- that they might obtain a better resurrection’.
The early church took this verse-
and developed a sort of martyr mentality.
They were actually looking for opportunities
to get killed!
The early church Bishops had to
correct this view- and teach the believers that you don’t go out looking for it-
but if it comes to you- then yes- that’s ok.
The death of Christ added power
to the things he wrote while alive.
The disciples would go back and
see stuff that at first they did not pick up on.
Even the actual words about his
soon demise ‘the son of man must go to Jerusalem and be killed- but on the 3rd
day he will rise’.
The bible says that after he
died- then they got it.
I mean what’s to get?
They should have gotten it when
he first said it.
But no- where a ‘testament is- there
must be the death of the testator’.
It’s almost like he knew- because
of the Isaiah prophecy- that even if he wanted them to understand- they
wouldn’t be able- until he died.
So- in the end- all things worked
out well.
The things that were written about
him- the Testament- lives on.
He gained a huge following [us-
the church].
And today- we follow in his
steps.
The cycle repeats- in each
generation we too write a ‘testament’ of sorts.
But like the Master- when we die-
the testament will have a much greater force.
James- the half-brother of Jesus-
said ‘all flesh is as grass- it grows up in the morning- and at night it’s
mowed down- but the word of the Lord endures forever’.
There is a sense of us ‘living
on’ by the things we record- while alive.
Jim Morrison said this- that through
our poems- writings- and songs- we do live on.
Make an effort to document stuff-
write a testament if you will- leave something for the following generations to
read/see.
In time- after your gone- these
things can have a great impact- people will go back and catch the hints they
missed at first- in a way ‘you will still be here’.
FRIDAY [This week’s posts are not
in order- I wanted the suicide post at top] ‘Catholics- Presidential advisors-
and lots of dogs in the car’!
I had a good meeting in the Bluff
yesterday- I am committed to doing 3 a week- and I’m finished for the week-
might do one more later today in the halfway house area.
Yesterday I had John- Bryan and
Sierra at the house- let them shower- use the bathroom- just giving people on
the street some time to enjoy taking a shower- without having to sign a list at
the mission- and rush in and out.
I met Bryan and Sierra just the
other week- they have an interesting story.
Bryan got a job as a stock person
at Wal Mart- they live in their car- with 3 dogs and 3 or 4 cats!
They met in Huntsville- where
they are from- they were both correctional officers for the prison.
Over time they left the area- and
wound up in Corpus- like a lot of people I have met over the years.
They’ve been homeless for about 3
months- and as soon as Bryan saves up enough they will get a place [rents are
very high in Corpus- we are the number one occupancy rating in the country- for
rentals].
I did my weekly teaching- the
stuff about the woman at the well- the things I posted last week.
Bryan was at the street meeting where
I preached last week.
John- who is well educated- told
me after the meeting that he thought my insights were excellent- but wondered
if most of the people understood what I taught.
Later he said he asked Bryan- and
Bryan said yeah- he is in the process of converting to the Catholic Church- and
he just read about Jesus as the Last Adam in the Catechism.
I had a good talk with Bryan and
told him I actually teach both Catholic and Protestant Theology- and I even
attend the Corpus Christi Cathedral [the Catholic Cathedral for this area].
I told Bryan ‘you’re safe in my meetings-
my mission in no way is to try and proselytize Catholics [convert them away
from the church] but part of my calling is to help Catholics- and Protestants-
understand the faith- and what their respective churches teach’.
I spent some time giving Bryan
the background of the church- and he had good questions- which I answered with
a lot of historical church teaching- the early church fathers- things he is
studying on his own.
Yeah- we were the perfect match.
I asked him how he decided to
become Catholic.
He was raised in a Non-Denominational
church- his wife- when they met at the prison- was Catholic.
She’s is really not as ‘into it’
as Bryan.
But- she said her whole family
were born Catholic- and they left the church over time- converted to various Protestants
churches.
And she just wanted to stay
Catholic.
So- one day Bryan said he has
never been to the Mass- and she took him.
When he went to his first Mass-
he knew it was for him.
I find this interesting- at the
Fire Dept. I had another friend who found the church the same way.
His name was John- all the guys
knew I was ‘into the bible’ and when they had questions they would ask me stuff.
[About boxing as well- I was the guy who knew the in’s and out’s- they knew the
other sports- by mine was boxing].
One day I saw John reading some Catholic
material- and I said ‘O great- your seeking God’.
He was surprised that I did not
‘rebuke’ him for this- most Protestants do.
John told me the same thing as
Bryan- he was raised in a Pentecostal church- even did music and all- his whole
family were very anti Catholic.
But when he met his wife- she was
Catholic- I got the sense that she was not really ‘into it’ [like Sierra].
Yet John never attended the Mass.
And she took him for the first
time- and he said he knew this was for him.
You connect with the historical roots
of the church when you attend the Mass- or even any old time Christian church-
we call these the ‘high church’ models.
Meaning the bells and incense and
all.
Anglican- Orthodox- etc.
Now- let me tell a little of
John’s story.
I hesitated to share it- because
I know guy's like Pop’s- who also have good stories- but you never know if some
of them are ‘made up’- now- understand- I don’t mean on purpose.
But many of my AA friends suffer
from Paranoia- etc.
So- I try and be careful.
I met John Montgomery a few months
back- he does not fit the homeless scene- at all.
He’s in is 60’s- lives in his
car- and I can tell this is new for him.
The reason he wound up on the
street is too long to tell now- but he has quite a history.
He was a sort of political
advisor for Republican administrations- Reagan- Bush- etc.
He has saved the actual letters
from the past- written as thank you letters form Bush- Don Reagan- and other political
insiders.
He used to write articles in the
Chicago Tribune- I think commentaries and stuff.
And had connections with
conservative circles- sort of an activist who you wanted on your side if you
were in politics.
Very interesting indeed.
John never heard me speak publicly
till the other day- but he has been in my rag tag meetings- and being he is
quite educated- he has told me he’s surprised at the ‘level’ that I teach at.
He kinda critiques some of the local
street preachers- because he says they really don't know what they are talking
about.
So- me quoting early church
fathers- covering a broad range of thought- from Philosophy to Theology- and I actually
discus world affairs and history- to John this seems intriguing.
He told me yesterday- and many times
before- that he can’t believe he’s on the street- homeless.
He has asked God ‘why’- yesterday
he said maybe it was just for the purpose of meeting me- seeing a very unusual
style of ‘church’ he never knew existed.
One of the guys I talked about the
other day- a drug user- who I became friends with.
After he saw the way I do
ministry- I did tell him ‘no- I’m for real- this is ministry- though I’m the
only non-user at the time’ [I was telling him I know all the street guys- they
are my friends- because this was the first time he met me and my other friend
was talking about the local scene- in a very open way- like I was part of the
group- and this guy felt uncomfortable- not knowing who I was].
He said the whole thing was very
unique- a special calling.
I of course see this- but it is a
witness when others can see into the whole thing.
In John’s case- he thinks this might
be the very reason he has spent this excursion in ‘his wilderness’.
John does do a magazine- dealing
with Christianity and other stuff- he has promoted young and up and coming
talent- stuff like that.
He actually thinks’ this might
also be why he met me- sort of like a ‘diamond in the rough’.
I told John- I have done lots
already- been on the radio for many years- no- I’m not ‘looking to be
discovered’ by no means.
Actually- I think I’m back in the
‘decreasing’ mode again- the stuff I wrote about last week.
You know ‘He must increase- and I
must go away’.
Now- I don’t mean leaving for
good- but every so often we all need to withdraw [I did take 3 months off of
the Blog last year- and at times- I think we all need to practice stuff like
that].
So- had a good day- met some
interesting people- and will try and do the same today.
TUESDAY- FINISH WELL.
In a little while I’ll be heading
to Bishop for one of our area meetings.
Yesterday I had an interesting
day- I have asked God to fill each day- a big part of my sobriety is doing
outreach- you know- ‘you have to give it away to keep it’ thing.
I spent a little time at the
mission- and then decided I needed a break from it.
I texted John David ‘you want to
get together today’?
‘YEAH!!’
The first year we joined together
to start the halfway house- I spent every day there- it was my salvation in a
way.
I thought my Bluff days were over
[the Bluff is the area in C.C. where I live and work with the street guys].
But I was moving to North Bergen
[I thought] and I had to disconnect from the street ministry here.
So- one day I jumped in the car
and headed to the other side of town.
I parked by Morgan and Crosstown-
saw some homeless guys on the bus benches- and said ‘Lord- let’s start this
thing one more time’.
It was hard for me to leave the
old crew- but it’s exciting when you know knew things/places are on the
horizon.
I met these 2 street guys- bought
them breakfast- and a new journey started.
I have never done outreach in
this part of town- but I thought I’d give it a shot.
Not too long after- I was with
Henry- and I got a text from John David ‘you still want to do a halfway house’?
I exited the next ramp- and off
we went.
I knew David for years- but we
were never close.
I was [am] good friends with his
brothers- Huey and Andy- but David was a mean addict- meth head- alcoholic- and
murderer.
But- one day his brothers told me
‘John- David wants to talk to you- he has had some type of ‘change’.
Cool.
Sure enough I saw him at the
mission- he was so excited- he looked like a different person.
He relayed his experience [which
I have told before] and how he got into rehab [Charlie’s Place] and has been
clean for a couple of years [he now has 5 years free from addiction].
So- when I got the text- I started
that day.
He lives on some side street on the
other side of town- and after going to his place for a few weeks- I realized it
was only a few blocks from where I first reached out to the homeless guy’s on
the bus benches.
I told David ‘this is of God- I
was just here a few weeks ago- asking God to open up some doors in this area’.
So- when we first started- that was
my gateway to a new journey.
I also told them after about 6
months that I was going to move back to my hometown- and start over.
David was unhappy- he needed the
‘preacher’ role for me to fill- I’m the Pastor for the halfway house.
But I kept telling them I had to
go- it was the next step.
To be honest- it was a miracle
that I never went back to drinking- and if I was not taking these risks- that
is- going out and making an attempt to keep doing outreach- even in the midst
of a firestorm- then I would have gone off the deep end- and things would have
been bad [or done?] for good.
So- as I spent the day with
David- we went to NeWay [the name of our halfway house].
And reminisced a bit.
I just held my weekly meeting
there Sunday- the first one in a few weeks.
I have been busy starting/establishing
our other ones [I’ll go back to Alice this week- I did 2 there when I first got back from N.J.- and when I
reorganized a few weeks ago- I decided to drop this meeting.
But- I got a call while I was
with David- they want to keep it going- so I will].
Now- it’s hard to tell the rest-
but let’s give this a shot.
I have been visiting Charlie and
Pop’s a lot- I do a meeting with them too.
Pop’s lives on Waco Street- about
3 blocks from the halfway house.
Actually- he was with me in the
meeting at NeWay the other day.
The last few months- when I visit
Pops- Charlie [who is drinking again] always ‘compliments’ me.
‘Preacher John- I’m sorry- but
you sure are good looking’.
‘Thanks Charlie- but it would
sound better coming from some cute Blonde’.
You know- what else could I say?
So- Pop’s tells me ‘don’t worry
John- Charlie still has that prison mentality’.
But- the other day- as I was
visiting Pop’s and Charlie- Charlie tells pop’s ‘leave us alone- can’t you see
I’m trying to flirt with preacher John’.
Now- I realized that Charlie does
‘like me’ a bit too much.
What did you do John?
Well- pop’s then told me [when I dropped
him off at the store] that basically Charlie goes ‘both ways’.
I have met his girlfriend before.
I told Pop’s ‘Pop’s I have lots
of friends- some are gay- I love them all Pop’s’.
I realized Pop’s was worried that
I might stop coming by.
He sees that I do help Charlie-
and that Charlie benefits [not in that way!] when I’m around.
I still hug Charlie- pray for
him- and even though I caught on- that’s ok.
My biggest fear is that Charlie
is drinking again- and I know this is his last chance.
Later on I told David and Jackie
‘Yeah- I felt like I had to get away from the Bluff today- and you know- old
Charlie boy is hitting on me’.
Charlie who?
They know Charlie- and to be
honest- he doesn’t come across as gay- maybe he really just has a ‘crush’ on
me- who knows?
I told them ‘Charlie- the guy you
had sleeping here last year’.
They were surprised.
Ok- while we were visiting Chris
at the halfway house- David and I kid around- he tells Chris ‘yeah- can you
believe Charlie is hitting on preacher John’.
Now- Chris was one of the guys on
is deathbed and in the hospital when I prayed for Charlie- who too was on a
respirator.
Yeah- the alcoholics we work
with- are that bad.
I feel guilty at times- I was
actually drinking longer than some of them- for more years- yet I never went
down that bad.
So- David tells Chris about
Charlie- and I like Chris- he studied for the priesthood at Notre Dame- as well
as his brother Jude.
And he has never sat in my
meeting- till this past Sunday- I think he liked it - after the teaching he
made the sign of the Cross.
So- Chris hears the scoop- I say
‘yeah- I guess I’ll have to make the sacrifice- you know- take a hit for the
team’.
Of course I’m kidding- but Chris
laughs.
Now- Chris has been in and out of
the hospital about 5 times since I’ve known him.
I mean he has been on his
deathbed a lot.
I got a call from David at about
8 o’clock last night.
Chris collapsed on the floor- the
ambulance took him back to the hospital again.
I’ll find out later how he’s
doing.
As I spent the day with David-
ran him around to do some errands [his car is down] he enjoyed us being together
all day- it reminded him- and me- of when we first started working together
with the halfway house.
I walked around the halfway house
a bit- saw some of the furniture I donated when it first opened.
Outside the building my old yard clock
hangs- it says ‘grand central station- New York’.
It’s a nice clock- I’m surprised
nobody has stolen the thing yet!
Yeah- right after we started
NeWay- I did indeed ‘ride the train’ to NY- and did 3 months of street
outreach.
I’m grateful for these past 2
years- to be honest- I was indeed on the edge- a lot.
I was a danger to myself- and
others.
I’m not 100 % back yet- but I’m
doing much better than 2 years ago.
I don’t understand a lot of
stuff- I still get pissed off- yes- at times- even with God.
But he knows I’m trying- he knows
you’re trying- in the end- that’s all we can do.
Jesus said ‘I have come to do his
will- and to finish is work’.
I mentioned something to a friend
the other day- about a possible health issue- they gave me some advice.
I told them ‘you know- I’m clean-
I don’t drink- I feel like I’m finishing well- this would be a good time to
‘finish well’.
I’m just grateful to God for all he
has done- I am trying to tell the guys- this year is a big year- God is going
to do things that you never expected.
Maybe some things that you might
not like- or things that you don’t understand at first.
But it’s important for all of us-
to finish well.
Amen.
WEDNESDAY- BURNT BRIDGES
I walked into the mission yesterday- and Bill told
me ‘John- a lawyer was looking for you yesterday- he got here right after you
left’.
I got the card- and message.
It was Dirks public defender-
yeah- the reason I was not on the visitors list [County jail] was they needed
more info.
Plus- the lawyer needed to ask me
some questions about the incident.
I spoke to him for about 20 minutes-
I did ask him what the charge would be- because there are various charges that
the state could use.
It was a tough one- from what I
understand he might have to do a few years- maybe more.
I told him I’ll keep his number-
and if he needs any more help to contact me.
I did say ‘in case he asks about
his dog- tell him he’s doing great’.
The lawyer said ‘yeah- he did
ask’.
It’s ‘funny’ since some of the homeless
crew found out Dirk dropped off Gunner at my house- a few of them have asked
for him, they wanted to keep him.
I of course told them- thanks-
but no- I’m keeping the dog.
I took a few boys to our Bishop meeting-
I never know whose going- at first I thought I might cancel- because I don’t
want to go alone- not enough for a meeting.
But Matt showed up- and a new kid
I met about a week ago- I asked ‘hey Justin- you want to go to a meeting with
me’.
Sure!
I met Justin in a strange way to
say the least.
A few weeks ago I told Lance-
another young kid on a bad path- that I don’t drink or use drugs- but I started
taking Valerian Root again- well to be honest- because I have had a temper
problem the last month or so.
Valerian root- a derivative of
Valium [or the other way around?]- is a natural over the counter supplement
that is legal.
It works good.
So- I gave a few to Lance one
day- at the house- and figured it’s better than these guys doing illegal stuff.
So- Lance asks me ‘Hey John- you
have any Valerian on you’.
I laugh- I mean I’m not a dealer
you know.
But- one day I put 3 in my
pocket- figured I’ll make the kid happy.
So- the day I gave them to Lance-
Justin says ‘cool bro- you get high on the herbals- were I come from we did
that all the time- you’re a rare breed’.
Now- even though I do not like
the ‘preacher’ title- here I had to use it.
‘Justin- actually I’m a preacher-
but the Valerian is really not to get high- I use it to calm me down’.
So- he was surprised to hear
this- and ever since he has made an effort to talk to me.
I just found out he quit using
hard drugs- and ‘got saved’ at the Rock church the other day.
So- I took him and Matt to
Bishop- and he liked it a lot.
A lot of my younger friends are widely
read- I mean they value the writings of various religions- and sort of
stereotype some ‘old guy’ [me!].
Some of it is true- but not all.
During the meeting I talked off
the cuff- but did talk about the other writings of various religions- in a good
way.
I do know a lot of history and
stuff- so Justin told me he really liked the style of teaching.
We had a good meeting.
Earlier in the day Emit called
me- I thought he wanted go to the meeting- because this meeting in Bishop is
with Eli- and Emit and Eli met in my little church back in 1987-89.
I baptized them both the same
day- in my pool in Kingsville.
They have a lot of history with
me and each other.
But no- Emit asked if I could
bring a few guys over and help him move some stuff- he has been asking me for
the past 2 months- I tell him yeah- but then he puts it off.
So- I told him after Bishop- I’ll
call- and if he needs us- we will stop by when we get back to Corpus.
Sure enough he needed us.
Now- being he has been ‘moving’
for at least 2 months- I figured he had everything packed- right?
Nope.
Look- I’m pretty organized- even
during my worst times.
But still- my worst- well let’s
say- is better than Emit’s best.
So- we get there- and Matt and
Justin were gracious- me too- at first.
I used to work for Bekins moving
company- and there are ways to move stuff.
But- I had to be patient- and a lot
of time was wasted- simply carrying little individual items down the stairs-
into the truck [I’ll post the pics].
So- after the first truckload [I
though he just needed help with a few big items- not an entire house moving!]
On the way back- for the other
load- I had to ‘take charge’.
‘Look Emit- we need to move your
big stuff- I have 2 guys here- then you do your packing- cleaning- and move all
your little stuff later’.
I mean he saw- as well as Justin
and Matt- that it doesn’t take much for me to get mad.
It really wasn’t much- but they
saw.
So- we loaded the 2nd
load- and that was that.
We also unloaded- and again- I told
Emit ‘Look bro- lets unload the stuff- and you have to arrange your new house
later’.
It really was a lesson in not knowing
how to manage your time- and ‘free’ manpower.
But all went well.
We sat outside after the move-
and did do another fellowship.
Emit has not been with me and the
guys for years.
We go back a long way- and in a
way this was his first meeting in a while.
I used to preach to his dad- 29
years ago- at the jail in Kingsville- eventually the whole family became members
of my church.
The dads- older brothers [Eli
too] were my main crew- the addicts who did lots of time in prison and stuff.
But the younger guys [who were closer
to my age then the dads] they became a part of the ministry thru me working
with the harder cases.
But Emit is ‘on fire’ for the Lord-
despite his own struggles in life.
In a way- it was good for Emit to
see my new guys- when I left Kingsville in 1992- and moved to Corpus.
The old crew did say ‘we hope you’re
not abandoning us for your new street friends’.
I told them no- no way.
But because I moved- in a way they
did feel abandoned.
This last year though- I hooked
up with them again by expanding the meetings to other towns.
Emit told my new guys ‘yeah bro-
Brother John’s the real deal- he has been doing this for 30 years’.
I think my Bluff guys needed to
hear it- they did.
As we headed out- Emit got emotional-
and started to cry.
Why?
He saw my journey- that I did do
what I said when I ‘left’ them years ago.
I did start over [and that was not
the first time- or maybe the last] and picked up- and moved on.
Emit in a way connected- again-
with my ‘new family’.
I told the guys ‘let’s pray’.
We did.
Oh- I forgot- one of the most important
things that happened- was Emit asked ‘Bro John- have you talked with David’?
No bro- no.
David?
In my years of ministry- there
have been street guys- ex-cons- etc. who I have become real good friends with.
That is- almost like ‘best
friend’ type things.
David was the son of Leonard- the
dad that I reached out to first.
There family had struggles with addiction-
shooting up- for years.
So- the sons became my friends.
David was [is] one of the best
‘fruit’ that came from that time- we became close friends- and I wrote to the guys
in prison- and David was one [I mean I wrote hundreds of letters over the
years- I kept in touch with these guys].
But- as things go- when I’m
drunk- yeah- I would burn bridges.
David was one.
I did have a bad year around
1990-91.
It was no secret- John was back out-
hitting the clubs- drinking- everyone knew.
I also realized at that time- that
the violence thing was real- not a show.
Even the guys at the fire dept.
said ‘great John- you can finally go to the clubs with us’.
But- after a few times- they said
‘man- don’t go with John’.
Why?
I was always looking to start a
fight- and they felt uncomfortable.
Anyway- a few years ago I burned
some bridges with David- and even though I did tell his kid- on Facebook- tell
your dad I’m sorry- I don’t know if he got the message.
So- Emit must have known
something was up- he called David- and we talked for the first time in a few
years.
I will visit David soon- and
think that will become our Kingsville meeting.
David was a hard core addict for many
years- but he is a counselor now- and his story is a good one.
Yeah- God restored some stuff.
On the way to the car- Emit said
‘Yeah John- remember that night you beat the hell out of Leonard’ [David’s
brother- same story as David].
I told him yeah- then had to
explain to the boys in the car.
Yes- I don’t need to tell it all-
he did sucker punch me in an alley in Kingsville during my ‘bad year’- so- he
asked for it.
But that’s all about that.
Things do come back- I mean this
was in 1991- Emit was there that night.
Yeah- like the song says ‘I'd
like to believe we could reconcile the past
Resurrect those bridges with an ancient glance
But my old stone face can't seem to break her down
She remembers bridges, burns them to the ground
I have become cumbersome to this world
I have become cumbersome to my girl ‘
Resurrect those bridges with an ancient glance
But my old stone face can't seem to break her down
She remembers bridges, burns them to the ground
I have become cumbersome to this world
I have become cumbersome to my girl ‘
Some people remember the bridges that burned- and find it
difficult to reconcile the past.
Note- Do me a favor, those who
read/like the posts- re-post them on other sites as well as the site you read
them on. Thanks- John. Don’t forget to scroll down on the timeline [FaceBook#]
- I have posted lots.
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