2017
I CAN’T DIG- OR BEG
Okay- let me do my best to try- really try- to end this
chapter.
As much as I want to not talk about this any more- I just can’t
seem to get past it.
About a year ago I was accused of flashing a girl while very
drunk.
Drunk to the point where you don’t even know if you did it.
I was what you would call a black out drinker- which is very
bad.
At the time- I simply confessed- sort of- on face book- said
I did not remember doing it- but if I did- I was vey sorry.
As the months rolled by- my wife and daughter- and their
friends [who all knew each other] were reading this on-line.
They thought the flashing charge was made up.
I did not want to hear that- because I was resigned to just
go thru and plead guilty.
As time went on- my wife would say ‘she said you stopped the
van here- opened the door- etc’.
That part I remembered- and I knew that here- at least- this
was not true.
There were 2 other kids [young 20’s] who were there too.
I always said ‘just ask them- they know I did not flash their
friend’.
But- I never knew what they said.
Maybe they said- yeah- he did.
So finally the last few weeks I did hear what they said.
The boy made no statement.
And the other girl- who I’m sure is a very nice girl.
She said she ‘turned her head’ [did not see].
I knew they lied when I heard this.
She did not want to lie outright- and say ‘no- my friend is
wrong’.
So- she said this.
Okay- I wish so much you told the truth.
I can’t get past this whole thing- I’m not mad- I just wish
you didn’t say that- I needed some help with this so bad.
Not asking you to lie- but to have said the truth- at least
about the part where we were all there at one time.
So- the last few weeks- I saw that more than likely the
charge was false.
Okay- was I totally innocent?
No.
And yes- I could come on today and write- and manipulate-
and ‘shape’ the story to make it look like I’m better than I am.
But there are about 5 or so people who would say ‘see- this
guy claims to be a Christian- helping the homeless guys- and look- he’s a
liar’.
Should I just ‘sacrifice’- that is not care about that small
inside group- and heck- lie.
No.
Then these ‘kids’ will live the rest of their life knowing
we are all the same- we all lie to make ourselves look good.
And that would be wrong.
No- there were things that did come up- things that I forgot
[not real bad- but things you that are not real good].
And when I heard about them- I once again was confronted
with the past.
So- yes- I put this in for you guys- the small group- who
also knows this.
I want you all to see I have tried so hard in this thing-
and at times questioned so much- and don’t want to leave Texas this way.
Okay- I did a no contest plea and will do a 40 day work
period [actually 20].
I wish I could start today and work straight thru- but it
will take a month to finish.
Why am I leaving?
Isn't it obvious?
I’m leaving because of this- not what others said about me-
but because of this whole thing.
Make no mistake- it’s not some great ‘call from God to go
save the bums in New York’.
No- I feel like my life is over- that’s how I have felt from
day one.
When people drink- are actively drinking- you don’t ‘feel’
the consequences of stuff.
The bible even says this ‘when a drunk wakes up- he goes right
back to it’.
But- when I quit [since Jan. 3rd] I ‘feel’ all
the consequences- in a big way.
So- make no mistake about it- yes- I’m running from my past-
I’m going to ‘hide’ in a crowd up north.
Yes- all the things you would do if this happened to you.
I was talking to my wife last night- telling her I’m glad
it’s going to be over- I’m so ready to leave.
Of course my family is staying in Texas.
As I was talking- she was crying.
‘What’s wrong now!’
As you can imagine- there has been a ton of friction since
this happened.
She just said something like ‘don’t you know’.
I realized she has been hoping I was going to change my mind
as the weeks- months went by.
That I would stay.
I just can’t.
One day not too long after this happened.
I was reading the parable of the unjust steward.
Some guy is the money manager for some rich man.
He gets caught stealing- and the boss hauls him on the
carpet to give an account.
He does not try and hide the wrong doing.
But- he quickly analyzes his situation and comes up with a
plan.
Jesus is telling the story- it’s a parable.
The guy says ‘what should I do- I won’t beg- I can’t dig
ditches’.
And he goes on and makes a plan and God commends him for
being wise.
The part of the story that caught my eye was he immediately
knew his options.
He eliminated some things right from the start.
About a month after this incident- I knew it was ‘over’ for
me.
It took a while before I quit the homeless ministry here in
the Bluff.
But it’s been 6 months now- and I haven’t seen the guys.
I took all the ad’s I was running in the papers down.
I knew there were some things that would ‘be no more’.
In essence ‘I won’t dig- or beg’.
See?
And I’m sorry to my dear wife- I know she was hoping I would
change my mind.
I just can’t.
I’m not mad.
It’s just over- this whole chapter is over.
For those that I did
wrong to- the parts that were indeed wrong.
I’m so sorry- you have no idea.
To all the people- I don’t do anything in the Bluff any
more- please don’t be worried about running into me.
I am going to move as soon as the punishment is done.
And to all my friends on line- thanks for the support.
I’m so sorry you had to see all this.
Note- Do me a favor, those who
read/like the posts- re-post them on other sites as well as the site you read
them on. Thanks- John. Don’t forget to scroll down on the timeline [FaceBook] -
I have posted lots.
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