2; AA/NA AND THE SEX ISSUE
Note- when I post these types of
post on Facebook- my intent is not to ‘preach’ to my friends who are living in
various situations [I have gay friends- friends in different situations]. No-
these types of posts are for those who are in these types of groups- AA- etc.
and seem to be wanting a lifestyle change to some degree. So- for those who
keep seeking some difference- and keep stumbling over stuff- for those- I
thought this type of post might help- ok- trust me- I don’t wish to offend
anyone.
I want to cover Sponsors in one
post- but first let’s get to what I think might be the most important aspect of
why some- in AA/NA- might still be struggling- with continual relapse- after an
entire lifetime in the program.
This past year as I did read the
Big Book- and attended meetings- I noticed- and was told- that many in AA/NA
have ‘traded one addiction for another’.
Actually one of our first Halfway
House residents told me how- in his view- many have traded the substance
addiction for ‘sex addiction’.
That is- a lot of the people are
‘picking up’ people for sex- to put in bluntly.
A few months ago- I was having a
talk with a friend who is sort of ‘an expert’ in AA.
Been in it for 25-30 years- knows
the material well- good guy.
In our discussion I told him that
I feel like many are continuing to have problems because the sex issue is really
not dealt with- as a sin- and many who stop drinking/using- are still dealing
with the guilt- and what the bible calls ‘wrath’ on a daily basis- because of
this actual issue.
Ok- I’m not preaching here- I
have ‘been there- done that’.
As most know- I’ve pretty much
talked about stuff in an open way this year.
So- no one here is a saint.
But- in scripture- the act of
sex- outside of marriage- is considered much more destructive to a person’s
soul than all other sin [outside of murder].
So- when people stop abusing
drugs/alcohol- but still participate in adultery- the penalty- feeling this
Wrath- will still be there- but in a much more pronounced way.
Let me explain.
The Apostle Peter wrote ‘There
are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises- whereby we can escape
the corruption that is in the world THRU LUST’.
As I have stated in other posts
this past year- I have come to believe that the core issue of addiction is indeed
this lust [sex] issue.
Now- many will identify as a substance
abuser- but often the person started using substances- maybe years earlier- as
a way to deaden the Wrath [that feeling of guilt- and judgment] that comes
along with ‘sleeping around’.
You cannot escape this- period.
So- for some- the root cause of
their addiction is this very thing [remember- the bible- which I just quoted
above- actually says that the corruption exists in the world- thru lust. Which
means that is the root of all other sin in the world. Not saying sex- the God
ordained way- in the marriage covenant- but any sex outside of marriage brings
this judgment on a person].
Ok.
I do believe that this is a root
cause of relapse- continuing in what the bible describes as a much worse
sin/addiction- then the actual substance abuse itself.
But now- when some do indeed find
freedom from the substance- but can’t seem to overcome the sex thing- Walla-
you begin feeling this judgment- this wrath- in a more pronounced way.
And because the sex thing is not
dealt with [I’ll explain in a moment] then there is a natural tendency for the
user to want to return to the drug/drink- because that’s the thing that
‘deadened’ the guilt from the start.
Now do you see?
Ok- when I was talking with my
friend who has much experience in AA- I told him that when I read thru the big
book this past year- I remember reading a page that said the founders of AA
decided to be neutral on the sex issue.
My friend vehemently denied this!
See- once again- it was more of a
defense of the movement itself- then an honest conversation.
I was not defensive- I told him
‘oh- maybe I’m wrong- I just remember reading a passage- and I remember how it
talked about the popular philosophy of Freud- Hedonism- and then that page
seemed to say that AA takes a neutral position on the sex issue’.
I remembered the passage because
I teach philosophy as well as history- and when the Big Book was written the
thinking of Freud was a big debate- Freud taught that one of the problems of
man was him trying to restrain himself from any expression of sex at all. That
if we throw off all those old ‘Victorian/religious’ rules- and practice
unrestrained sex- Hedonism- then we can resolve man’s problems.
So- that’s why I remembered the
passage from the big book- it did not say it accepted Freud- but also chose to
take no position and not really deal with the whole sex issue [which in my view
is THE ROOT of most addictions].
So- my friend- who at first said
I was wrong- that the big book does take a stance- went and found the page.
I read the passage- and sure
enough- it was the page I remembered.
And- as I re-read it- I was
right.
[Just a note here- when he showed
me the page- he seemed to say ‘see- it’s here’- like he was defending the Big
Book. When I sat there and read it- I told him ‘yeah- this is what I just said-
that here AA takes the neutral position’. He then agreed with me. He too knew
Freud. He admitted I was right. See? That’s a problem in AA- even my friend-
who was open and sincere- when he knew the page he opened to was actually
agreeing with my point- he still went ahead- to defend the book- knowing he was
wrong.]
I wasn’t mean- I just told my friend
how as you read the page [he did know about Freud] that you can see that the
Big Book is not taking a stand on the sex issue.
And actually teaches- in another
section- that on these issues you follow your conscience- and if whatever type
of sex your conscience says is ok- then that’s acceptable.
Ok- once again- if you follow
this- and try it- you will never be able to escape the ‘built in’ wrath of God-
and in my view- eventually relapse- because the root issue is not dealt with.
I want to say that my experience
in AA was not a negative one- but because I was open minded- and never was
‘anti-AA’- this allowed me to get to know people- ask them questions- and try
and learn from their experiences.
This last year- as I read up on
addictions and the Rehab industry in the U.S.
I found some who are totally
opposed to AA- and want to end the program.
I am not in that camp.
As I sit here and write- a verse
comes to mind.
When I was back in N.J. - I
struggled with whether or not to stay in the meetings.
Most of all I didn’t want to be a
stumbling block to those who have found AA/NA as a great help.
To those- I say ‘great- keep
doing what you’re doing’.
My intent in this brief critique
is for those who are finding themselves in some of the examples above.
The bible says ‘you will know the
truth- and the truth will set you free’.
I have found many- most- of the
AA friends do not want to hear- or read any of the other literature on
addiction.
If someone is close minded- or
has a view that reading the other stuff is somehow wrong- then those people
will continue to suffer from not knowing the latest information about addiction.
The verse that I read while
asking God what position I should take- I knew I was seeing lots of this stuff
because I have taught- and participated in Movements over the past 25 years.
So I knew many of the good things
about Movements- as well as the dangers.
So- I could see some of these
things- and many of my AA friends had no way to spot some of these flaws.
The verse- from Acts ‘REFRAIN FROM
THESE MEN- IF IT BE A WORK OF GOD- NO ONE CAN STOP IT- BUT IF OF MEN- IT WIL
FALL’.
I believe AA/NA is a work of God-
and that as it goes for all movements- you can attack them- pick them apart [as
many did in the books I read- or from friends who did not want to get clean].
So- this critique I write for the
benefit of ‘Bill’s Kids’.
Yeah- one of the most amazing
things to me in my year with AA was how God used an ex-alcoholic to start a worldwide
movement that would help many people become free from substance abuse.
If I were talking to Bill W right
now- I would say-
‘Brother Bill- what a great work
of God you founded with a small group- I truly enjoyed being with your kids
this year- they are a great family.
These things I write are not
meant to simply criticize you.
But I felt like the kids needed
this- that as all movements- and books go- apart from the bible- they are with
flaws.
I even think you would be
displeased to see that some of your kids treat the Big Book- almost like the
bible.
So- as I say goodbye to AA- I
might stop in every now and then- but I felt like my purpose was done with this
great family.
I worried- a lot- that my seeing
these things- and not being able to deal with them in a meeting format- might
cause others to fall- who are your kids Bill- not mine.
So- I bless your kids- they are a
great family- you did something that most never do.
You remained anonymous as much as
possible.
You effectively passed off the movement
to THE KIDS.
Your kids run the show- that’s great!
Yes- many biblical principles
have been introduced thru AA.
I pray that as the movement goes
on for many more years.
That the adjustments that need to
be made- will be made.
God bless you all
John.
Note- Do me a favor, those who
read/like the posts- re-post them on other sites as well as the site you read
them on. Thanks- John. Don’t forget to scroll down on the timeline [FaceBoook]
- I have posted lots.
No comments:
Post a Comment