2017

I CAN’T DIG- OR BEG

Okay- let me do my best to try- really try- to end this chapter.

As much as I want to not talk about this any more- I just can’t seem to get past it.

About a year ago I was accused of flashing a girl while very drunk.

Drunk to the point where you don’t even know if you did it.

I was what you would call a black out drinker- which is very bad.

At the time- I simply confessed- sort of- on face book- said I did not remember doing it- but if I did- I was vey sorry.

As the months rolled by- my wife and daughter- and their friends [who all knew each other] were reading this on-line.

They thought the flashing charge was made up.

I did not want to hear that- because I was resigned to just go thru and plead guilty.

As time went on- my wife would say ‘she said you stopped the van here- opened the door- etc’.

That part I remembered- and I knew that here- at least- this was not true.

There were 2 other kids [young 20’s] who were there too.

I always said ‘just ask them- they know I did not flash their friend’.

But- I never knew what they said.

Maybe they said- yeah- he did.

So finally the last few weeks I did hear what they said.

The boy made no statement.

And the other girl- who I’m sure is a very nice girl.

She said she ‘turned her head’ [did not see].

I knew they lied when I heard this.

She did not want to lie outright- and say ‘no- my friend is wrong’.

So- she said this.

Okay- I wish so much you told the truth.

I can’t get past this whole thing- I’m not mad- I just wish you didn’t say that- I needed some help with this so bad.

Not asking you to lie- but to have said the truth- at least about the part where we were all there at one time.

So- the last few weeks- I saw that more than likely the charge was false.

Okay- was I totally innocent?

No.

And yes- I could come on today and write- and manipulate- and ‘shape’ the story to make it look like I’m better than I am.

But there are about 5 or so people who would say ‘see- this guy claims to be a Christian- helping the homeless guys- and look- he’s a liar’.

Should I just ‘sacrifice’- that is not care about that small inside group- and heck- lie.

No.

Then these ‘kids’ will live the rest of their life knowing we are all the same- we all lie to make ourselves look good.

And that would be wrong.

No- there were things that did come up- things that I forgot [not real bad- but things you that are not real good].

And when I heard about them- I once again was confronted with the past.

So- yes- I put this in for you guys- the small group- who also knows this.

I want you all to see I have tried so hard in this thing- and at times questioned so much- and don’t want to leave Texas this way.

Okay- I did a no contest plea and will do a 40 day work period [actually 20].

I wish I could start today and work straight thru- but it will take a month to finish.

Why am I leaving?

Isn't it obvious?

I’m leaving because of this- not what others said about me- but because of this whole thing.

Make no mistake- it’s not some great ‘call from God to go save the bums in New York’.

No- I feel like my life is over- that’s how I have felt from day one.

When people drink- are actively drinking- you don’t ‘feel’ the consequences of stuff.

The bible even says this ‘when a drunk wakes up- he goes right back to it’.

But- when I quit [since Jan. 3^rd] I ‘feel’ all the consequences- in a big way.

So- make no mistake about it- yes- I’m running from my past- I’m going to ‘hide’ in a crowd up north.

Yes- all the things you would do if this happened to you.

I was talking to my wife last night- telling her I’m glad it’s going to be over- I’m so ready to leave.

Of course my family is staying in Texas.

As I was talking- she was crying.

‘What’s wrong now!’

As you can imagine- there has been a ton of friction since this happened.

She just said something like ‘don’t you know’.

I realized she has been hoping I was going to change my mind as the weeks- months went by.

That I would stay.

I just can’t.

One day not too long after this happened.

I was reading the parable of the unjust steward.

Some guy is the money manager for some rich man.

He gets caught stealing- and the boss hauls him on the carpet to give an account.

He does not try and hide the wrong doing.

But- he quickly analyzes his situation and comes up with a plan.

Jesus is telling the story- it’s a parable.

The guy says ‘what should I do- I won’t beg- I can’t dig ditches’.

And he goes on and makes a plan and God commends him for being wise.

The part of the story that caught my eye was he immediately knew his options.

He eliminated some things right from the start.

About a month after this incident- I knew it was ‘over’ for me.

It took a while before I quit the homeless ministry here in the Bluff.

But it’s been 6 months now- and I haven’t seen the guys.

I took all the ad’s I was running in the papers down.

I knew there were some things that would ‘be no more’.

In essence ‘I won’t dig- or beg’.

See?

And I’m sorry to my dear wife- I know she was hoping I would change my mind.

I just can’t.

I’m not mad.

It’s just over- this whole chapter is over.

For those that I  did wrong to- the parts that were indeed wrong.

I’m so sorry- you have no idea.

To all the people- I don’t do anything in the Bluff any more- please don’t be worried about running into me.

I am going to move as soon as the punishment is done.

And to all my friends on line- thanks for the support.

I’m so sorry you had to see all this.

www.corpuschristioutreachministries.blogspot.com

Note- Do me a favor, those who read/like the posts- re-post them on other sites as well as the site you read them on. Thanks- John. Don’t forget to scroll down on the timeline [FaceBook] - I have posted lots.